Ted Archives

November 17, 2005

Ted: Playing Cards Up at the Kinsley

Bob and Dave had been playing cards, undisturbed, for over an hour down inthe orderly room.

"Hey Dave, why do you think it's so quiet around her tonight?"

"That new lady doctor has been trying something. If it keeps the loonies quiet, I'm for it."

"Sounds good to me. Maybe we can actually get a chance to watch the wrestling tonight."

"Can't. Tube blew. The set isn't working."

"Well, take it over to Steve. He's been working on those things since the damn things first showed up at Harrelson's. I can take care of this bunch myself for an hour."

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November 21, 2005

Ted: Harridan Ever After

You want to go off adventuring? Take a good look at your mother first. If there is a more foul woman on Earth, I'll take her. She used to be beautiful, of fine dispostion, and could play a harp like an angel. It's true! The King cut her off after he found her covorting with a dragon, but offered me her hand if I could find and rescue her. She didn't care for the idea. As different as you are, your birth hurt her; body and mind. As you travel, remember both of your fathers and both of our fates.

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November 22, 2005

Ted: Born Old

That she was wearing a push up bra became evident the moment she took it off. No one's tits are really that perky. She slithered across the stage towards me and my gently swaying dollar bill.

"You know what, honey? I've got a pierced pussy that I'd love to show you in our privacy lounge."

I looked her over, easy to do now that she was down to her G. Smallish, saggy tits, stretch marks, track marks, and her makeup was actually flaking off around the wrinkles under her eyes. "How old are you sweetie?"

"I turn 25 next month."

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November 28, 2005

Ted: Gandolfini

James Gandolfini stood over my bed, shaking my shoulder. "Come on man, it's time to get ready. Shake a leg."

I staggered out of bed, went to the head for a piss, pulled on my shoes. My slept-in clothes needed changing, but I felt James wouldn't wait.

"Are you sure? Really? Finally?"

"Of course kiddo, time's wasting while you fuck around."

I was suddenly nearly overcome by buterflies. Walking down the hall, I saw the tv tuned to HBO.

"Damn, James, I don't understand why they would premire the new season at three a.m."

"Gotta go, more fans to wake-up."

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November 29, 2005

Ted: Lurking

I am afraid to look around the corner. I don't even know why I am afraid. Is this another panic attack? Did I forget my meds? I look in the pillbox from my vest pocket. No, Tuesday's pills are gone. Somebody bumps me from behind, muttering. I notice now that people are starting to stare, milling around me on their own errands, oblivious to the danger lurking just around the corner. They curse me for delaying them.

I have to stop this, whatever it is. No one else even senses it. No one else knows what is about to happen.

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November 30, 2005

Ted: Shut the Fuck Up

God. Damn. It. Straight. To. Bloody. Fucking. Hell. Again.

Every night, the same fucking thing. The two faggots living downstairs raise hell until 3 fucking a.m. Christ alone knows what kind of perversions are going on down there. The super must be one of them queers too since he won't do anthing about my complaints. Well, tonight I'm ready. As soon as they start up, I'll have a double O buckshot word with them right through the goddamned floor.

"Last chance assholes! Shut the fuck up before I make you shut up!" Jesus I hate this town, fucking savages. "DIE!"

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December 1, 2005

Ted: Spillage

Ted's java fell upon this deck,
Heat flow, thru shoe sole, burn.

Pain then, lava like, turn head
Worn shoe, many rips

Shit, hell, fuck, damn says Ted's eyes,
wide with pain.

Then grow fury, grow hate
unto that java pool upon said deck
Pool upon brow
Pain anew from this java lava pool
Java onto Ted's face,
into Ted's eyes
that lava burns

Hero stir:
pull away from that heat
help stay this pain
help heal this burn

Cool blot upon this fire pool
balm away Ted's fury, Ted's sear, Ted's pain

Good will oust fear, oust pain, ease

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January 3, 2006

Ted: Return

Dad told me it was time to "get the fuck out and go home." Mom said, "why the fuck are you even here?" My brothers looked at me through slitted eyes, saying nothing, but body language screaming for me to leave.

Fine. Fuck you then too folks. I didn't want to be here in the first place. But the cabbie wouldn't take me away. I barely even remember getting in the cab in the first place.

"Mr. Bronson? You're awake? I'll get the doctor!"

What the???

"Mr. Bronson? I'm Doctor Lebowitz. You're lucky to be alive. Do you have insurance?"

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January 4, 2006

Ted: Dave, Out for a Jog

The flames licked at his heels as they ran through the scrubland. Bobby, eight, was lagging behind. His older brother was as just as scared, but faster. Bobby quailed at the thought of being alone, burning up like gramma's house. With a burst of speed sure to drain his strength, he flew up to Steve's side: just in time to watch him trip in a prairie dog hole.

Dave came out of the smoke, panting, and lifted them up. On leave from the Marines, the neighbor had been following them and now was their only chance of rescue. Semper Fi.

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January 5, 2006

Ted: Charon, Inc.

This part I hate: everytime I get to the scene, I always wind up knee deep. The displacement matrix should allow for terrain better.

I begin to collate data; temporal and spatial coords, number of customers, etc. I pull the first one out of his body to check his balance. He seems less disoriented than usual, able to form a sentence.

"Why are you here?"

"To collect your debts and recycle you, or to send you up the chain if you actually learned anything this time."

"How does it look?"

"Better luck next time," I reply. "Next lifetime, love better."

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