Ted Archives

March 27, 2007

Ted: The End of the Beginning

Nidas took Silea by the arm, roughly. Although she should have been having babies by now, he had allowed her to keep up her duty well past the customary age. Her extreme talent with the spear had saved many lives, so she was afforded certain indulgences by Nidas and his council. That did not give her leave to forget her manners, however.

"Who is here, Silea?" He couldn't help notice her matted hair or her chest, shiny with perspiration. She had to have come far and fast for her to be sweating so.

"The Sky-men, Nidas! The Sky-men have come!"

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March 29, 2007

Ted: Somewhere Off the Barbary Coast...

Captain Hull looked around him at the wounded. The pitched battle was over and the Americans had won by sheer luck. The Tripolitian ship had closed upon his vessel in the dark of night, an revolutionary tactic by these cursed barbarians. Hull would have had the seaman on watch flogged if he wasn't already dead.

Close in fighting with the Moors had been a nightmare.

Rallying his gun crews, they fired off a dozen cannon into the blaggart's starboard side.

Ricochets blasted his own hull, straight into the rum stores. The resulting fireball destroyed the pirates vessel. But the cost...

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April 2, 2007

Ted: Losing Her Name

The Rex woke up late. He stretched and rubbed his bloody eye.

"Dammit, Orina! Where the fuck are you?" His bellows rattled the ratty prints hanging crooked on the plaster walls.

A mousey waif crawled in the vacant doorway.

"You know you are supposed to be here when I wake up. By my bedside. Do you need another lesson?"

Orina shook her head in fear and cowered even lower on the rough wooden floor.

"Good girl. Now open your mouth."

As the Rex aligned his flab, Orina revealed the blade she had hidden between her legs.

Long live the Regina.

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April 3, 2007

Ted: A Very Personal Problem

"Let me make sure I understand. You mean that you have developed a psychological aversion to modern artifacts?"

"No. I mean that THINGS won't work around me. I woke up to the alarm, but when I hit snooze, it froze. I turned the faucet in the shower and it broke in my hand. My car didn't start, my phone died, my watch stopped, and I my contacts dissolved. I'm lucky I had silk clothing: my polyester evaporated."

"My office clock is still working."

"Watch this."

"I see. I can help, but you have appease Nujak, the god of fabrication first."

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April 4, 2007

Ted: The Rebirth

His people had limited his influence through the centuries, all to plan.

First they stopped the monthly offerings in order to feed the little ones better. This made the children grow stronger and allowed them to spread his influence to more lands. The converts made up for the loss.

Then they stopped the offerings at the solstices. They were lean times. But his people grew stronger than their neighbors through the winter and summer, so the god was pleased.

Eventually, only one old woman was left who held to the old ways.

When he visited her, she became a legend.

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April 6, 2007

Ted: Polished Pennies

You don't grow up in this town without learning something. My aunt taught me to always to be ready for trouble. But if I couldn't be ready, always have a way out. I had only managed to learn one simple spell. A Door spell. (No I won't tell you the recipe, but here are the steps.)

Seasoned herbs and the finest glass bottle I could get.
Melt three pennies: one each of silver, gold, and copper.
Mix herbs in the bottle.
Mirror bottle with molten pennies.
Polish the mirror finish.

Doors can get you out of trouble. Or straight in.

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April 9, 2007

Ted: Justice and Survival

Silea repeated herself. Nidas just looked at her. So she held out her hand, holding up the Sky-man's mask. "It's true, Leonidas. They finally came. It's our time now. Herotodus' stories are coming true."

Nidas took the mask. "He gave this to you?"

"No," Silea said; her eyes dropping, shame in her stooped shoulders. "I took it after I killed an attacking snarl ."

"You stole, Penthesilea. You know our law. It isn't for us to steal. It is for us to help. You must be punished. You are off patrol duty. You must offer up your genes. Pick a husband."

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April 11, 2007

Ted: Desperation at the Desperado Mine

Minding my own goddamned business, not bothering anyone, and these assholes just come barging in like they own the place.

Fuck that.

And fuck them too.

This is my place. I dug this fucking hole out of the side of this shitpot mountain, poured my tears and blood and heart into it. And damn if I didn't find what I was looking for. A solid vein, nine and a half feet thick, assayed out with my own kit to be almost pure. And now these cock-bite ass-fuckers are here to steal it.

I wish I could at least throw something!

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April 12, 2007

Ted: A Slice in Time from Bareback Mountain

"I tol' you, I'm a wantin' some new spurs. T'other punchers is gonna talk behind my back, otherwise."

"But, sir, that is quite impossible."

"T'aint neither, you eastern, fancy boy. I seen some like that in Kansas City when I was there. At a shop called Mister Dude's."

"Sir. I wouldn't be surprised that you could find that at THAT shop. But I am a respectable purveyor of fine leather and harness. The kind for coaches. Not for bush ponies and ruffians.

"How else am I sposed to stand out in San Fran at the end of the cattle drive?"

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April 13, 2007

Ted: Rosie on Liberty, Rosencranz Blvd, San Diego

Music flowed out of the dance club much like the whiskey flowed at the bar. The old lady could hear Setzer's group wailing away inside.

"Welcome, ma'm. No cover for you tonight. Let me or one of our wait staff know when you wish to leave and we will be pleased to escort you to your car or taxi."

The old lady, Rosemarie, smiled and entered. Eyes wide, she marveled at the lights and the acoustics. But she couldn't locate the band. They sounded wonderful and she dearly wished to ask the conductor to play "Begin the Beguine" for her.

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