Ted Archives

June 11, 2005

Ted: A Little Knowledge

Winter was getting even colder, and was much longer than they predicted. Those who remained were beginning to starve. When the food was gone, they started to eat the books. Everything from Modern Fiction all the way to Ancient Translations was already gone. Some of the really old books had leather bindings, which made the cravings that much worse. The Head Librarian had earned her place for a reason though. She was tough. She already had killed two of the nuns for complaining. But she still wouldn't let them near the cookbook from the Travel section that she had found.

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June 12, 2005

Ted: Man Overboard

Captain Incognito had sailed the Caribe far longer than any old salt had a right to. He'd plundered lost cities, sank hundreds of ships, and sacked towns from Trinidad to St. Augustine. He'd married young, but still danced with the daughter of every local governor, just to get information. He fought duels for honor, for treasure, to fight off mutineers, and for revenge. His family, once broken, was again whole. When he retired he was made an advisor to the King.

"Are you done with that stupid game now?"

"Coming!" he replied as he bid the good ship Meier farewell.

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June 13, 2005

Ted: So that's what it takes...

This used to be a sleepy town. There are over a million folks here, but we think like a small town. Wave to the neighbors, kids safe outdoors, everyone felt safe. Then the verdict came in. Those idiots up there decided to acquit that freak and the white folks just went nuts. It was like the whole damn city came alive. Rodney King didn't cause this much trouble.

Not one building in downtown is left standing. The firefighters stopped after the third fire company was lynched.

About dawn, the rioters all took off up the road to the freak's ranch.

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June 14, 2005

Ted: The Cleaner

She spent the day scrubbing, ceiling to floor like she had learned in the Marines. She had left the worst for last. The kitchen.

The former tenants had survived for most of a decade in this apartment, so she hadn't been surprised at the collection of odd stains and gunk she found in odd corners. But the murder had occurred here. She used special enzymes to dissolve the pools of blood. The worst part of the job was the smell. Finally she was down to the last. Dread filled her as she pulled out the crisper drawer of the fridge.

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June 15, 2005

Ted: Serendipity

The stuttering shutter was annoying. He'd gone out for a day of relaxation, shooting in the scrub behind his house. Instead he was getting frustrated by the shutter in his old Nikon F. Yeah, it had gone over a waterfall. And yeah, it had gotten sucked up by that tornado out by Lake Nasworthy. But it had worked fine for years after that. He had decided to call it a day, despite the early hour, when he flushed the bird. Instinctively he shot as he fell and smashed the lense.

Years later, developing this forgotten film made him a fortune.

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June 16, 2005

Ted: The New Gods Part Three

Tivik knew his ship was about to die. The solar flare had loomed too quickly to avoid. But with it, came more raw power than he had ever felt.

The trees he was transporting to L-5 were precious. He had worked them for thirty years. They produced eight times the amount of oxygen as an oak, had wood the strength of steel, and respirated more water than they used in certain soils. It was the project that granted him apprentice status in the Order at such a young age.

But fifty years of training plus desperation made him a god.

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June 17, 2005

Ted: Roll 'Dem Bones

The clatter and yelling of the dice game was starting to piss me off. I braced up Goodall.

"Don't you guys know I gotta report this shit! Knock it the fuck off!"

"Relax, there's no money here. We're just playing for fun," Goodall replied.

"Goodall you are on the shitlist already, do you really wanna piss off the old man for good this time. Besides, we're about to land."

"Why didn't you say so. We know the mission here, right boys."

The other agents nodded agreement.

When the plane landed, the murdered President's coffin was unloaded and the game continued.

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June 18, 2005

Ted: The Route

I get up at six to make my twenty-six mile commute on I-4 in just under 60 minutes. (96)

Then I work on job number 9803 for three hours, then reset job 7796 for five. I take one hour for a lunch that costs 7 dollars.

I return home on the same route only stopping for groceries. (129)

I pull up in the driveway to greet my two kids, three cats, wife, and dog. (7)

Every morning I do the math, and every evening I come to the same conclusion.

17840 < 7

Yup, seven is a magic number.

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June 19, 2005

Ted: The Vigil

Red looked at the photo on the wall and wondered "What if?"

What if he hadn't taken that tumble in Mexico?

He wouldn't have married and become a father, sure as hell. He wouldn't be lying here on his death bed while his daughter just kept fucking staring at him! King Lear's daughters were less creepy than this girl. Lucretia Borgia was not this creepy. Oh, dammit! He could be sucking on some senorita's left tit right now instead of fucking dying while this creepy little shit stared at him.

"Honey, do Daddy a favor and bring me my pistol."

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June 20, 2005

Ted: Lights Out

Out like a light.

Every light on Broadway is a broken heart.


All I know is that is that the light over my head has been out for a minute now and the service techs haven't arrived yet.

Come on. This doesn't happen very often, we should have people who could fix it quickly.

How am I supposed to think without a good light?

I remember the last time a bulb went out a year ago. It was fixed in thirty seconds. Five years ago, it was done in ten.

Hey, is that another one? And another? Oh phooey.

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