Ted Archives

June 27, 2007

Ted: Running the String

I have always hated string running, but it is part of the job. It's not hard, just time consuming. And I usually don't have that kinda time.

Lacey said the Dog Man knew somebody. Dog Man said to see the Turk. The Turk said I needed to talk to Lacey. Since Lacey was already a knot, she was kinda out of the talking biz for most of the rest of forever. So here's the part I hate most: the Turk didn't know anybody else. My string snapped.

So I had to start over.

Meanwhile, Tanaka was still out there somewhere.

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June 29, 2007

Ted: Old Habits

Benny, under the grate at GCS, has the best speed.

Jane, uptown, has the brown stuff.

Finest grass in the Quad? Stevie over in Peck Hall.

Cyn has to be the finest piece of ass in town. Her apartment is over the pool hall, MacLaren's.

I can always find the vice in any town. It is an absolute talent.

But you want more than vice. You want sin.

You sure about that, sister?


I'm sorry. You're right. Not my business.

Well... technically... it is.

Yeah, I'm into it. No, it's ok, really. I always wanted to fuck a nun.

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July 2, 2007

Ted: First Steps

Surveying around the tree house, little Clark Kensington made sure there was no one watching. There wasn't of course. His tree house was a good ten yards into the woods behind his house. Not so much of a tree house really... more like an elevated lean-to built with scraps easily transported by a rather frail ten year old boy.

But when he put on his 'supersuit' (in actuality his underoos and red beach towel for a cape), Clark Kensington felt just like Clark Kent.

Today was the day, he just knew it.

He climbed out on a branch and leapt.

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July 3, 2007

Ted: Family Resemblance

I stop at the first landing. That crack in the plaster will take me to London. But I'm not walking to London today.

On the street, a crack in the pavement would take me to a small island in the South China Sea. It shines like a warm beacon at my back.

I walk for eight blocks to find the crack I need. This cracked cobblestone will lead back to my brother's room; but I doubt he'll be there. I'm not even sure Mom lives there anymore. I hope so. I need to tell her what I discovered about Dad.

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July 12, 2007

Ted: Only in the Mornings

I get up and walk the twelve blocks to catch the train. I take the train for an hour to get downtown. I get off and climb the steps to my building. I take the elevator up to the roof. I think about jumping.

God my life is so damned predictable.

I go down to the office. I go to the meetings. I crunch the numbers and send the proposals.

I eat lunch in my cubicle.

I call in before I leave the office to reserve a table.

I am here every fucking night.

So, yeah, you could say that.

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July 13, 2007

Ted: Schrödinger's Machine

I really only excel at three things. Two of them I can't get paid for though. Not legally, anyway.

But the third thing is gambling. Doesn't matter the game. Doesn't matter the mechanism. If true randomness is the root of the game, I can beat it.

I have been thrown out of every casino at Atlantic City and Reno. The city of Las Vegas sent police to my hotel to escort me out of town under protective custody.

Ranier tried to have me killed.

But damn if I didn't get the capital I needed for this.

Time to test it.

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July 16, 2007

Ted: That's the Biz, Sweetheart

The grizzled man stood in front of a green door. The rain made both the man and door appear to be covered in mold. Perhaps they were.

The girl approached, micro skirt clinging to her ass. Her tits jiggled inside a bandanna shirt, the cold rain making her nipples pop through the cotton.

Two professionals, both selling.

The lights had been out in this alley for years, but there was enough skyglow for them to see each other.

"Hey Sunshine, you holding?"

"Not yet, Sandman. Trade even?"

"Sure, hon. Impress me."

She lifts her skirt and shows him her scars.

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July 17, 2007

Ted: Behind The Door

"The answer to that question is not what you think it was before I walked in. I am in charge here because I have the big fucking gun." Out of politeness, I gave Sandman a little bit of room to breathe. He tried to make a break for it. Big. Mistake.

And his last.

His blood was as green as the door he was guarding.

"Ok. let's try again... Who is in charge here?"

"You are, man! You are! But Smythe is gonna be pissed you shot me."

"Only if you survive to tell him, Sandy. Now, where's the girl?"

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July 18, 2007

Ted: Sale Price

"You get that line from a movie?"

"Yeah, Sunshine. Worked in the movie, figured it'd work here. In case you weren't watching, it did."

"I saw. That one you eyeholed was kinda decent though. He let me go pee, after."

"Sunny, your da didna' send me after you to leave any survivors behind."

Her father wasn't going to be happy, what with her being discovered in an unlicensed pain house like that. I got ready for her play.

"You know, Da doesn't need to know where you found me, just that you did. I can make it worth your while."

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July 19, 2007

Ted: Good Day Sunshine

"You're Going to Lose That Girl" said the thug outside.

"That'll Be the Day," I snarled.

"Don't Let Me Down! You Know What to Do!" the Woman Shout-ed.

"Teddy Boy, That's All Right, To Know Her is to Love Her. With a Little Help From My Friends, This Boy knows What You're Doing." The fourth thug, a kid, held up a mirror.

"I've Just Seen a Face," he murmured.

"I Remember You, and now I Call Your Name!"

In Spite of All the Danger, I exploded the boy and his mirror. The others I shot.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

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