David Archives

October 24, 2006

David: Betrayed

“They promised us flying cars,” grumbled the old man to the passenger beside him. “Nuclear powered flying cars that drove themselves. And jet packs. And smart houses that bought groceries for us and turned off the lights. And robot servants to do the heavy lifting or have sex with. They promised all these things, but where are they?

“They lied to us. This isn’t the future. It’s more of the same old crap.”

The old man read the page again, then crumpled it up and threw it on the floor of the bus. “They promised us a cure for cancer.”

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October 25, 2006

David: Perhaps He Was Dictating

Attention, readers!

I have usurped this web site in an attempt to deliver a warning most dire. I am a professor of trans-dimensional physics in what you would call an alternate reality. I have recently made a discovery, the nature of which threatens not only my entire existence, but all adjoining ones as well, including your own. I have used all of my resources and my prodigious expertise to pierce the veil between universes to deliver this warning. However, my time is short, so I must be brief if I am to complete this message before the dimensional rift colla

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October 26, 2006

David: The Lizard Brain

The world went into soft focus. Time slowed down. I could see everything, no detail missed. I wasn’t thinking. I heard the click of the hammer fall. I pushed Wendy one way while I dodged the other. The mugger’s gun boomed. I closed. The muzzle flashed. I grabbed the pistol, burning my fingertips on the barrel, and yanked it out of his hand. In the same motion, I cracked his temple with it.

He collapsed. So did I. Wendy screamed.

The adrenaline rush faded.

“What did you do?”

I looked at my hands. They were shaking. “I have no idea.”

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October 27, 2006

David: There Goes The Neighborhood

“Sir?” interrupted the archangel. “There’s someone at the Gate.”

“IS IT LUCIFER AGAIN? HAS HE COME TO APOLOGIZE?”

The archangel studied his sandals, cutting trails through the cloudstuff with his toe. “Um, no, sir. It’s… Abel.”

“WHAT? ADAM AND EVE’S BOY? WHAT’S HE DOING HERE?”

“Apparently, he’s dead, sir. His brother killed him, and the next thing he knew, he found himself here.”

God’s forehead furrowed. Somewhere, a mountain range erupted. “WAIT, WHAT? WAS THAT IN THE SPECS? DID I APPROVE THAT?” God sighed, creating a new species of heron.

“OKAY, LET HIM IN. BUT DON’T LET HIM TOUCH ANYTHING.”

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October 30, 2006

David: Tres Chic

“That’s not what it’s about. I’m not a geek because I quote Monty Python, go to Renaissance festivals, or know what ‘frack’ means. It’s like science. The laws of motion and evolution aren’t science. Science is the process used to learn those things.

“Likewise, geekism is a process. A near-obsessive interest in and enthusiasm for a given subject. A person could be a geek about sports, cars, or politics just as easily as he could about D&D or comic books. I expect everyone is a geek about something.”

“So, can you fix my computer or not?”

“He sighed, defeated. “Yes…”

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October 31, 2006

David: The Things We Do

The ghost has lived in the house with me since I was a child. Her name is Emma. Whenever I lost someone, she would come to me and comfort me. When I was a teenager, I contemplated suicide so I could be with her. She told me how much her having a connection to a living soul meant to her. I stayed alive for her. When my parents burned to death, she gathered them up and escorted them to the place beyond death, for my sake.

Shh, don’t struggle. I’ll make it quick. I’ll make her come back to me.

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November 1, 2006

David: Fracture? I Hardly Know Her!

It was a cold November night that found Dr. Leonard McCoy, Dr. Temperance Brennan, and the Grim Reaper shooting craps in a cemetery.

“Damn it!” cried Bones. “Snake eyes! I’m a doctor, not a gambler!”

Bones studied the facial structure of the animated skull. “Adult, age indeterminate. Probably male. Displays features inconsistent with any particular ethnic grouping. Possibly of mixed ancestry.”

“I HAVE NO ANCESTRY. I AM OLDER THAN TIME. I USED TO BABYSIT HIM.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Bones replied.

“IT IS YOUR TURN TO THROW THE BONES, BONES.”

The other two both reached for the dice.

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November 2, 2006

David: Dave's Not Here, Man

I could handle the computer trying to kill me. You come to expect that sort of thing. I could deal with getting sucked into the thing orbiting Jupiter. It wasn’t my plan, but I survived, sort of, so, okay. I coped with the psychedelic trip through time and space. I came to grips with finding myself in the white rooms. Literally, finding myself, dying of old age in a bed. Then the damn thing showed up again and turned me into a space baby.

But turning me into a woman? What the hell, man? I’m not even hot.

Fucking monolith.

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November 6, 2006

David: Clarity

The lawman tracked the killer from Tombstone toward Yuma. Following the trail of corpses was easy; finding his own name carved into each was hard. The lawman promised himself that when it was over, he’d crawl into a bottle to stay.

It ended tonight. He’d spied the killer’s campfire. He crept through the dark, among the rocks and cacti, intent on the figure on the bedroll. He drew his pistol. No trial for this one. He reached out to shake the killer’s shoulder. He wanted him to die awake.

He felt the barrel press against the back of his head.

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November 7, 2006

David: The Perils Of A Participatory Judiciary

“Madame Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?”

She read the line off the form. “No, Your Honor. We are hopelessly deadlocked. No amount of further debate will bring us to a unanimous verdict.”

“Very well. The state thanks you for your service. This jury is dismissed.”

---

She struggled to wake, surprised to find herself vertical. It was dark. Something was around her throat. In the dimness, she saw others, hanging like meat from the rafters.

“They got away with it,” said a man’s voice, slowly. “Because of you, they won’t be punished for what they did to my family.”

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