Michele Archives

July 6, 2007

Michele: Rat Race

Hank's the name. Killin's the game. Rats, mostly. Bring in the most cash.

Follow me over this way. Gonna hit this abandoned building. Good gettins in here.

Now, gotta be careful how we get the critters. Head shots. Body with bullet holes ain't worth nothin' to noone.

Stand back and watch. Woweee! Look at them drop! Gotta be fast and get 'em before they scatter. Seven! Eight! Nine!

Good haul for five minutes, eh?

Now let's bag 'em and bring 'em to the kabob guy.

What? What did you think kabobs were made with?

Hah. Country folk. Don't know nothin'.

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July 18, 2007

Michele: Waiting For A Tow

"I saw this in a movie once. It's ok "
"You're a moron."
"I'm getting us help."
"Do you even pay attention when you watch movies? What makes you think it's a good idea to get out of the car now?"
"I have a plan."
"Thanks, Mr. Movie Man. I'm now less scared because you have a plan."
"Let me do this. I'll be back soon with help."

Ten seconds later, a scream.

She peeked out her window and saw him laying on the ground, bloody with fresh stab wounds.

He smiled wanly. "I saw this in a movie once...."

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July 19, 2007

Michele: I'll Follow The Sun

One morning she alighted
upon his windowsill
"I saw her standing there,
and my heart stood still"

She had wings of woven silk
a beauty sharp as pain
she made him feel melancholy
like september in the rain

She flew off and he followed
but soon he was alone
a huntsman watching mocked,
"looks like this bird has flown."

he walked across the universe
a lonely, nowhere man
calling to his faerie love
"i want to hold your hand"

one night she whispered in his dream
"please do not despair"
for a faerie always is
here there and everywhere

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July 23, 2007

Michele: Expellarimus!

To: Dursleys

Your nephew has been expelled from Hogwart's.

At first, Harry was a bright, intuitive student with a great future. Despite the pressure put on him in regards to his ancestry, he performed magnificently.

Recently, however, Harry was spending a lot of extra time in the potions lab. We assumed he was being studious and inventive.

To our shock and surprise, Harry spent that time making methamphetamine for sale and distribution to our student body.

He has single handedly created a serious drug problem on our campus.

You may pick him at Azkaban in three to five years.


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July 24, 2007

Michele: You Must Remember This

"I want to remember."
"It isn't your memory."
"I can take it."
"We're here to observe, not steal or interfere."

He put his hand to the girl's scalp again. The girl stirred in her sleep. He pushed down on her head and reached the spot again where he found the chocolate. He pushed deeper, sensing something big was there.

Calliopes, parties, games. His fingers glided over them, caught on something big. He grasped and pulled.

Darkness. Screaming. Fire. Fear.
They were now his.

Later, a girl woke up not with the usual scream, but with a smile.

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July 26, 2007

Michele: Beam Me Up

The statue, once golden, was covered with mud and rocks. It was both muddy effigy and a testament to gullibility.

These towns all end up the same. Desperate people hard up for end times, willing to believe that some stranger with weird, yellow eyes would bring beams from the sky to take them to heaven for the low, low price of $500.00. That they are surprised when I turn out to be a con man just adds to my enjoyment of their disappointment.

I cleaned off the statue, opened the door and set the course for the next small town.

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July 31, 2007

Michele: It Went South

I walked away from her confession.

She came clean.

I felt dirty.

I walked, tried to clear my head. Maybe if I had a better, job, a better car, a nicer house. Maybe.

Maybe it wasn't my fault.

She pulled up next to me.

"Where you going?"
"Walking to New Orleans." She knew what i meant.

She followed me to the bar and sat idling in the parking lot for a bit.

I left New Orleans at three. She was sitting on my porch.

I walked past her, shut the door in her face and began the process of forgetting.

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August 2, 2007

Michele: Genius

The first meeting was held in the basement of Dunkin’ Donuts. Everyone was surprised at the number of people who showed up, especially Dr. B, who had to run upstairs for more munchkins.

They all eyed each other with a combination of respect and fear, wondering who was here to work together and who was here to steal ideas.

When everyone had coffee and donuts, the Mad Scientists of Tomorrow meeting was called to order.

An eager member raised his hand .
"What are we going to do tonight, Dr.B ?"
The doctor sighed.
“Same thing we do every night, Pinky....”

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August 9, 2007

Michele: Final Words

You spend six months trying to force me into retirement, send me off with a gold watch and a shitty pension, now you're crying for me to come back.

Sorry guys, I ripped that "S" off my chest the day you made those damn teenagers your heros. I warned you. Don't trust the fate of the world to some kids, superpowers or not. But noone listens to an old man. What do I know? I'm just the guy who saved the world from some villains.

Now you want me to finish the job those kids couldn't.

Fuck you. Superman's dead.

(see here)

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August 10, 2007

Michele: How Mad Scientists Get That Way

After 17 years and 1,754 false cries of Eureka!, Bartleby had done it. He invented something that actually worked.

He yelled to his assistant. "George! Eureka! The InvisiSpray™ works!" He was almost in tears as he handed George the sprayer. "Try it!"

George sprayed his cigarette lighter, which turned instantly invisible.

Bartelby clapped his hands in excitement. "And the most practical use will be hiding these from my wife!!" He sprayed several credit cards, a checkbook and $4,125.00 in cash.

"Wow. What do you use to get it all back?"
"Back?" Bartleby looked toward his invisible wealth and sighed. "1,755."

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