Michele Archives

March 21, 2007

Michele: Acceptable Losses

Men will tell you the most closely held secrets if you do the right things to them.

I didn’t want to know the secret he held. I didn’t ask. In a moment of shared intimacy, in the quiet, breathless moment that comes after you share yourself and your special techniques with someone, he volunteered the information.

I held onto it for days where it formed a knot in my stomach.

If I told, I would lose him forever.

If I didn’t tell, the guilt would eat me like a disease.

I called the FBI.

And like that, he was gone.

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March 22, 2007

Michele: An Affair To Remember

The girl surveyed her party approvingly . There were clowns and magicians and troubadours. A calliope circle, its live unicorns carrying laughing children on their backs. There were talking elephants and a stilted man juggling pieces of a rainbow next to a tree that offered candy from its branches.

As a chorus of monkeys sang happy birthday, the girl looked toward her father.

“I told you I would do anything to make you happy, pumpkin.”

He kissed her forehead and was led away by a strange man who, the girl noticed, had a forked tail swishing beneath his jacket.

She smiled.

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March 23, 2007

Michele: I Dream of Booty

The Captain said 15 minutes. Bring him some booty by then or walk the plank.

He swashbuckled his way around the island, following the torn map the best he could.

He had to kill four of his shipmates. Pirating is dirty business.

At last he reached the spot where the X was on the map. He found the booty! He would survive, and the captain would be pleased with him!

He was about to start digging when he heard a booming voice behind him.

"Jared! The bus is here!"

Curses. The booty digging would have to wait til after school.

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March 28, 2007

Michele: Near Miss

"WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?" the redhead screeched.
“Well, the ride had some lag time."
'WHAT THE HELL IS LAG TIME?"
"1812 was supposed to meet 2007 at the end. But there was a lag. 2007 wasn't there."
"YOU PUT HIM IN SOME OTHER YEAR?"
"Basically."
"I DEMAND COMPENSATION! I'M SUING!"
"He signed a waiver."
"I DON'T CARE, I'LL FIND A LAWYER WHO’LL RAPE YOU!"
She walked out.
Pat pulled a check from his pocket. Stared. $1,000,000.00. Who could blame him?
-------------
Somewhere in 2001, a man smiled as he passed by the redhead at the bar instead of hitting on her.

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March 29, 2007

Michele: It's Not My Fault He Couldn't Hold His Liquor!

"Kristin, where'd my rum go?"
"Ok, you're not going to believe this. I was just sitting here and these aliens came in the window and told me if I don't help their injured friend they're gonna destroy humanity, and I remembered how when mom drinks rum it makes her like fall sleep and stuff, so I made the friend drink it and HE DIED! They took his body to this ship and said they'd would be back to destroy us all!!"

"That's quite a lie, young woman...."

Before he could say another word, darkness engulfed the planet.

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March 30, 2007

Michele: Deep Inside

A few times, Brad overheard his wife's phone calls.
"I need you inside me, Mark."
Those words broke his heart.

---
"How's your dinner, Marcia?"
"What is this? It tastes....gamey."
Brad smiled. "I love you, Marcia. I'd give you anything you wanted. Anything."
"And?"
"I know you want Mark inside you. Now he is."
Brad pointed at dinner.
Marcia fainted.

Brad smiled to himself. Of course he didn't kill Mark and serve him. That would be sick.

He sat down at the table and continued eating. Grilled Homeless Person wasn't that bad.

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April 2, 2007

Michele: Hide and Seek

She stood still in the shower. Something was in her bathroom. Something. Too large to be a man.

The thing moved around, opening drawers. It banged its head on the closet door and let out a strange moan. An inhuman moan.

She screamed for her husband. "TOM!! IT'S GOING TO KILL MEEEEEEEEE!!"

She cowered, waiting for it to come after her.

Tom kicked open the door, gun pointed. She heard him gasp, then a bang.

She stepped out of the shower. The floor was littered with fur, blood and eggs.

"My god, Tom. You killed the Easter Bunny."

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April 12, 2007

Michele: I've Seen A Million Faces And I Rocked Them All

You're going to mug me? Do you know who I am?

Just the toughest cowboy ever. Fought off Indians that would break your little knife in half with a one move.

I'm Sparky Jones, that's who. Maybe you don't know me but, your parents would. And they'd be ashamed of you, trying to take an old cowboy's last dollar bill.

Don't you laugh at me, boy.

Stop waving that knife around.

My movie guns were props, but this one ain't.

Hey....

....well damn it, boy.

Don't you know that when Sparky Jones says back off, he means it?

Course not.

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June 6, 2007

Michele: Fool Me Once

They'd been chatting for three months. It was time to meet.

Sure, she was a little young for him. Some would say too young. But love, and lust, know no boundaries.

His heart raced as he neared her house. He smoothed his hair in the rearview mirror and shot one last spray of FreshBreath in his mouth.

He pulled up to her house. Took one last look in his wallet to make sure the condom was there.

It was time.

He rang the bell, thoughts of sex and romance whirling in his mind.

A man answered. "I'm from Dateline NBC..."

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July 2, 2007

Michele: Superman's Dead

"You think it’s easy? Well…It's not."
Jimmy knows that’s my cue to go into a bitter, slurred rant. As a bartender, he's pretty fluent in Slurred Speech, especially my particular dialect.

"I think it's cab time, buddy."
"Superman doesn't need a cab, man. Superman can fly."
"You're retired, Clark. No flying."
"I'm not retired. Those damn Teen Titans forced me out of work!"
He looks at me with pity and disgust. "Not tonight, Clark. Go home."

I sigh, leave a ten on the bar and start the long walk home.

I used to be able to fly.

Forced retirement sucks.

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