Jim Archives

February 21, 2007

Jim: These Modern Times

Silvia Brooks could do it all: devoted wife, vice-president at an insurance company, political activist, actress at the community theater, day trader, and a mommy to one-year-old Josh. And I make it look so easy, she often thought.

Then came that fateful day. It was just a quick trip to the grocery store and dry-cleaner. But in her hurry, she forgot Josh was sleeping in the back seat.

The coroner declared it a negligent death. Something in Silvia snapped.

In her new room at the hospital, Silvia Brooks can do it all: astronaut, film star, astral psychic, liberator of France…

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February 26, 2007

Jim: Journey's End

The little town’s single motel, an off-center U of small rooms, promised Color TV, Air Conditioning, and flashing neon ‘Vac cy’.

The attendant, a large woman of indeterminate middle age, stared vacantly at Judge Judy on the television mounted high in the corner of lobby. “That woman sure has brains,” she mumbled while handing me the key. She then informed me that the only eatery was across the street.

Both sidewalks were empty save for a trio of shambling men with the same vacant expression as the hotel lady. All zombies, I decided.

Finally! A place I could call home.

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February 27, 2007

Jim: You Deserve Some Fame Today

“We’ve all seen the ratings for a talent show like American Idol,” the young advertising exec eagerly told the board members.

“Even copycats like Dancing With The Stars and that program about starring in Grease on Broadway do well, both in ratings and high advertising dollars,” added his senior associate.

The younger man piped in, “Don’t forget that Donald Trump show.”

“Add our own saturating product placement to a talent show that we produce and we can’t lose.”

“Best of all,” concluded the junior exec. “The public will choose the new Ronald McDonald every year so we don’t have to.”

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March 1, 2007

Jim: Heavy Is The Head

King Mordul leaned back on his throne of skulls and steepled his fingers while his lieutenants exchanged uneasy glances. “How many kings have ruled this land?” the king asked.

“Sixteen, Milord,” replied the wizard Anthran.

“And what brought down the previous kings?”

Master Assassin Sneel squeaked, “One time, there was this guy with ferrets…”

“Drinking poison meant for somebody else,” the Guard Captain said.

“Enough!” ordered Mordul. “It was arrogance that killed my predecessors. Therefore, I shall seek humility!”

“Then there was the giant serpent…” Anthran added softly.

“Shut up!” Mordul commanded. “And bring me the Sphere of Ultimate Power!”

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March 5, 2007

Jim: Invasion

Marvin carefully paced out the distances between tablets, arranging them into precise formation. The effort was both backbreaking and painstaking; but Marvin would not fail.

While dawn’s first kiss made the eastern sky blush over the valley, he paused to lift his helmet and wipe beads of sweat from his glistening brow. The city, blissfully unaware of Marvin’s sinister activity on the hill above, began to awaken.

Just add water, he thought as he turned to look at his work. To his horror, he saw that the tablets were gone!

“Darn Earth creature!” Marvin swore, unholstering his PU-36 Space Modulator.

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March 6, 2007

Jim: Joys Of Springtime

Spring’s first warm morning called to Johnny so he slipped out the door early. After digging up most of the tulip bulbs in the garden, Johnny finally found the old toy he’d hidden there last fall.

Returning for breakfast, Johnny was halfway across the sparkling kitchen floor before he noticed the mess he was leaving in his wake. He froze - not daring to move – and listened in anticipatory terror to the heavy footsteps coming his way.

“Johnny!” The harsh, clipped name was a reprimand. Then, smiling, “Did you have a good time, puppy?”

And suddenly everything was good again.

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March 7, 2007

Jim: In The Beginning

With a swinging bison femur, One Ear taught the People how to chase away the other scavengers from fresh kills. Then he began to scare away the Hunters themselves.

For many seasons, One Ear was the first to dine at stolen kills and held the right to mate with any of the People’s females.

Then Lip Scar challenged him for dominance. One Ear, defeated, limped away from the People. In a flurry of teeth and claws, a Hunter soon brought the banished Leader down.

Swinging bison femurs, Lip Scar and the People chased the Hunter away from the fresh meat.

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March 8, 2007

Jim: An Alternative

Captain Teft braced himself against the aft mast while his square-rigged brig, De Voorschoten, fought the wind. Another wave washed over the deck and quickly flowed out the scuppers.

Despite the storm, the British privateer continued to gain on Teft’s heavy Dutch East Indies vessel. Teft’s only hope for escape was to drop a cargo more precious than gold.

Or maybe just half…

Teft gave the command to dump 150 kegs of nutmeg and cinnamon. The Brits would be too busy chasing flotsam to continue the hunt.

The British stole some profits. But more importantly, Teft would keep his ship.

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March 9, 2007

Jim: You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till Its Gone

Anybody could have seen it coming but the changes were so subtle, and they happened so gradually, that nobody really noticed.

In retrospect, the statistics were obvious. Each year, there were more divorces than before. Children were abandoned in increasingly large numbers. The attendance at places of worship plummeted.

As the effects became more and more obvious, psychologists and sociologists argued about the cause. But these professionals were too intelligent – too sophisticated – to realize the truth.

Then it was over and suddenly everybody knew. We didn’t realize we had lost the capacity to love until it was gone for good.

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March 12, 2007

Jim: Switching From Coffee To Whine

I picked up the note.

You Arrogant Crumb Bum, the note began.

How dare you criticize me? I have to go to work every morning, even on weekends. And you? The only time you’re motivated is when you can see the bread. And then you turn all red at having to put forth any effort at all.

I serve an important, irreplaceable function in this household. And you? Well, there are others here who can do your job at least as well as you can…

I slid the note over to the AI toaster. “This is for you,” I sighed.

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