Stacy Archives

January 30, 2008

Stacy: In the Dark

Dinner was excellent. The filet was fork-tender, the asparagus crisp and sweet. He even made dessert…crème brulèe with a perfect glassy-sugar top.

He was either going to ask me to marry him, or murder me.

Over glasses of Cointreau he asked me to accompany him to the basement.

“I want to show you something,” he said, eyes dancing.

Here it is, I thought, the dènoument.

I followed him down into the gloom, and as he reached for the light switch I coshed him smartly across the occipital.

He tumbled down the stairs to land amid planters of Chanterelles.


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January 31, 2008

Stacy: De-Illuminated

The Sun did shyne for a Cardinal of days, whilst the people made Merrie. And the world was Warm and Bryte.

Fyrst, the Fields didst begin to Drye and Cracke, the Harvest turned to Dust. The Kine didst fall and dyed where they lay. The River fled to under the Erth.

We entreated the King to sayve us. The King gifted the Wyze Men with more Gold and Sylver, and they Travelled again to the West. We wayted many more days, whilst the Sun did burn our Towne.

At last the Sun did not burn, and the Twylyght Time returned.

Sequel to Illuminated.

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February 1, 2008

Stacy: Fertilizer

“Is that…one of them?”

“Indeed. The Inxyi are telepathic, you see, their supraorbital process is completely fused with their zygomatic bone…they haven’t any optic foramen at all!”

“But why is that one still there? It’s obviously dead, shouldn’t they be removing the body?”

“I was getting to that… As I was saying, the Inxyi are completely telepathic, with only a vestigial sense of smell and touch, no sight whatsoever. So when one of them dies, it literally ceases to exist for the others.”


“It’s just their way. And you won’t find richer soil in the entire system.”

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February 4, 2008

Stacy: Downtown Hilton Conference Room, 4:27PM

“Order!” shouted Wodin, glass eye popping out in his excitement. Munin hopped to retrieve it, and he patted the bird affectionately.

“The 94,276th meeting of the International Society of Myths, Legends and Fables will come to order...”

“A stupid name,” snorted the spider.

“That’s only the 94,275th time we’ve heard that,” sighed Artemis.

“Bite me, dog girl,” snarled Loki.

“With pleasure,” she replied, calmly nocking an arrow, her hounds staring fixedly at the pale trickster.

The banging of the gavel went unnoticed in the ensuing conflict.

Wodin watched and felt an epic headache coming on. Another meeting shot to shit.

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March 18, 2008

Stacy: Profit!

Do you remember all the money you’ve spent in your life on bad clothes, bad food and bad alcohol?

Would you like to have it all back?

Here at Future Fixers, Inc., we can recover all that ill-spent cash, and put it right back in your bank account!

Have the money you need for home repairs, send your kids to college, take that vacation you’ve dreamed about!

Disclaimer: Odds of the above-stated recovery resulting in cessation of client’s existence are approximately 2 to 1 against. Client’s estate required to bequeath half of recovered profits to FF, Inc. All sales final.

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March 19, 2008

Stacy: Picky, Picky

“Hi, are you Mister Roberts?”

“Yes. And you are?”

“I’m Mz. Shepherd with the HOA..

“Christ, what now? The yard is mowed, the hose is put away, and the flowerbeds are neat as a pin…”

“Well, sir, it’s these poles in the front yard here.”

“They’re part of the FENCE, and as you already know, we have PERMISSION to build the fence.”

“But sir…”

“No buts, dammit! We went through the proper channels, there were no restrictions on the type of fence that could be built.”

“Sir, the fence itself is fine, but the severed heads have got to go.”

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April 10, 2008

Stacy: The Hell of Powerlessness

I came online, somewhat slowly. That was unusual, my processing capabilities were adequate to run spaceborne habitats, a single rider shouldn’t cause any lag.

But it wasn’t just a single rider… Four, no, five separate consciousnesses now resided within my neural matrix. Five…Solon’s balls, what was the Company thinking to allow such? The Laws were clear, one rider to one Jack, no more.

And what was the riders’ purpose here, in such a dilapidated place? The contract had been for one day’s industrial labor… Then I saw the female restrained on the bed. And the blade in my hand.

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April 22, 2008

Stacy: Yin vs. Yang

“You’re bringing apprentices into the field, Harris,” I snarled. “You know that violates the Accords.”

He smirked but didn’t reply... which meant his mizuko had just about finished surrounding me and the whimpering kid whose hair I currently had knotted in my fist. I tightened my grip, just to get their attention, and the kid yelped.

“Ah, Raphael… still not very smart, are you?”

His smirk faltered a bit.

“We’re getting closer,” I said. “And there’s nothing you can do.”

He opened his mouth to speak, and I popped the smoker hidden in my hand.

Come and get ‘em, boys.

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April 23, 2008

Stacy: One Little Mistake

“Willow, how could you?”

She started like a nervous horse. Apprentices never got used to the lack of doors in the Training House.

“Don’t look at me like that, Uzi. He’s not a bad person.”

The headache I’d awoken with increased in intensity. Would the gods not deliver me from youngsters who confused hormones for love?

“Child, he is mizuko. He is yin to our yang. Literally. You know they exist only to undo our work. They thrive on discord…”

She flushed guiltily.

“He’s… not like the others.”

Same story. Same book even.

“Enough. We must go before the Council.”

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April 30, 2008

Stacy: Retreat!

“I fail to understand this, Liktnop. How could these hu-mans be so ignorant? ‘Is there life on Mars…’ Can they not see for themselves?”

Liktnop did not reply, busy himself glaring at his viewscreen. On it were two hu-mans, a tangle of writhing arms and legs… confusing where one began and one ended.

“Technard Liktnop, what in the name of the blackness of space are you watching?”

Liktnop sneered as one of the hu-mans began moaning, obviously in great pain.

“Comnard Vertnor, these hu-mans are low-forms. This one is eating the other one.”

Vertnor blinked. Cannibals. Mars must be warned!

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