Stacy Archives

September 29, 2006

Stacy: Justice, R&D Style

The specialist wiped sweat out of his eyes and bent back to the instructions.

Ok, he thought, this should be easy enough...

1. Pull down lever A.
2. With your right thumb, slide forward piece B-C
3. Raise piece J-3 upwards until it locks into place
4. Lower piece D-9 and rest on the nearest flat surface
5. Turn switches F-6 and Z-0 to their ON positions
6. Stand back

150 yards into the dense Florida undergrowth, there was a terrified scream, then an oily red explosion. The assembled law enforcement officials cheered and high-fived each other. One cop-killer down.

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October 2, 2006

Stacy: Beauty Sleep

Poundin’ at the door, sounded like it was gonna to cave in. Just as I had finally gone ta asleep, too.

It wuddn’t like I hadn had a shitty day already, what with Joey Donuts buyin’ it like he had. I mean, c'mon, who had that many sheep in da city, seriously?

The poundin’ kept on, the door creakin’ as the hinges worked loose. Whoever dese boys were, they weren’t smart, dat was for sure.

The door finally gave up and two Sout Joisey punks fell in, waving der little .38s around. I shot ‘em and went back to sleep.

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October 3, 2006

Stacy: Addiction

She lay in bed, staring at the darkened ceiling. Her husband snored rhythmically beside her. Why was she still awake?

She tried turning over. Her husband snorted, rolled himself tighter into the blankets.

She kicked one foot restlessly. One of the cats pounced on it, mock-growling, and she gasped as claws bit into her ankle.

“Screw it,” she grumbled, staggered into her robe, and to her desk. The computer booted up silently, her pulse quickened as she navigated to the familiar red, blue, yellow and green.

Her husband found her there in the morning, inbox overflowing with successful bid notices.

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October 4, 2006

Stacy: Thrall

It came on suddenly. She was turning the earth in her garden, making ready to plant the new season of vegetables, when the taste of licorice overwhelmed her. She woke up in a muddy soup of her own vomit, flowers everywhere.

In the shower, the water was music, delicate tinkling bells, harps. The towel on her skin tasted like candy fluff.

She wandered though her home, enraptured. Favorite books had sounds, flavors. Old paintings had scents, vivid colors she’d never seen before. Even nightfall had its glamour, shimmering lights and sounds.

They found her emaciated body a few weeks later.

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October 5, 2006

Stacy: You Were Saying?

"Come away..." the balloon cried, its whisper voice blending with the soughing wind.

"I have to stay here," said Teddy. "My boy needs me."

"You will be forgotten..." whispered the balloon.

The shadows deepened as the sun sank lower in the sky, and Teddy shivered. To be abandoned, forgotten? He could dream of no worse fate.

“I’m staying here,” he shouted at the dwindling balloon. “For as long as I’m wanted!” Balloon laughter floated back to him.

“You’re doomed… Doomed to rot alone, doo-…” The balloon popped suddenly as the altitude overcame it.

Below on the hill, Teddy laughed delightedly.

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October 6, 2006

Stacy: Wild Thing

She approached the body cautiously, nostrils flaring at the acrid scent brought to her on the dry wind.

The man did not appear to be breathing, nor was he moving, yet there was no sign of blood. She stepped carefully around the body, over deep tire tracks, and the multiple footprints of others. She nudged his hand experimentally. No response. Bolder now, she touched his face, but his open eyes stared at the dusty ground, unseeing. The cord around his neck stirred in the breeze.

The coyote gave the body one last sniff and trotted off to join her pack.

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October 9, 2006

Stacy: Sucker

“Over here...”

I hesitated. Talking to ratty strangers on the street was not very high on my List of Smart Things. Still, for all his ragged appearance, he was well-built, had a look of ex-nobility. His accent was… strange. I moved a bit closer.

“Sir, would you like to purchase a treasure of lost Mycenae?” In his hand was a largish marble, a beautiful specimen, gold-flecked. Mesmerized I handed him my wallet, uncaring as he disappeared. The marble was strangely warm to the touch, pulling, calling...

I didn’t hear the three who appeared behind me until it was too late.

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October 10, 2006

Stacy: Under the Weather

He stormed into the house, threw his briefcase at the expensive flower arrangement in the foyer, and stomped upstairs to their bedroom.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?!” he exploded, fists clenched in an attempt control himself.

She sat silently on the bed, the box in her hands forgotten.

“I trusted you,” he raged. “I trusted you with my future, my LIFE!”

He swept the contents of her vanity table to the floor, powder and kohl mixing with diamonds and pearls.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” he screamed.

She looked helplessly at the bronchitis medicine in her hands.

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October 12, 2006

Stacy: Movie Trailer Script

In a world, peopled by starving mutants, could one woman find her way home?

(cue orchestra music)

From the geniuses at Stupid Expensive Films, comes the latest in a long line of stupid and expensive films...

(pause music here, but have the trumpets blaring or something, yadda yadda)


(ok, really kick up the music here for the montage, big horns, strings...yanno Armageddon, only bigger)

(montage here. she’s fighting a three-headed bear, battling a fire-breathing fish, all those notes Joel already sent you)

In a world gone mad…can she climb to the top?

(fade to black)

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October 13, 2006

Stacy: Vacation

Lost. Goddamned Yellowstone tour guide. We should have checked his ID, or something…do you have to be licensed to be a guide?

We’d have been ok if stupid Steven hadn’t gotten scalded by that geyser. What kind of idiot thinks the park service actually digs holes for you to take a dump in? At least he’s stopped screaming now. The moaning is irritating but not quite as bad.

I wonder when they’ll send out a search party. Or if. I don’t think we told anyone where we were going…did we? Oh well, at least there are no bears.

Uh oh…

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