LJ Archives

April 28, 2008

LJ: Lust at First Sight

"Whoa."

There were no other words. She was, quite simply, the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. But then, I'd always had a thing for athletic woman who pulled their hair back in a ponytail. Athletic women with a rack to die for were a plus. Add to this the fact that her top was utterly skin tight and her shorts stopped almost above her crotch... she quite simply took my breath away, even without the heavy hiking boots.

My friend sat on the floor beside me and picked up the game controller. "You've really never played Tomb Raider before?"

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May 13, 2008

LJ: A Worthwhile Talent, I Think

Some snoozed through the professor's dry, unending lecture. Some doodled; a couple in the back diddled.

One student focused. As the prof droned on, he meditated, calming his mind for the task ahead. When he was at peace, one with the world... he twisted, gently.

The professor's lecture ended abruptly. So did the world.

In the nothingness, the student smiled. It was not the first time he'd managed this feat, and it would not be the last. It was entertaining in its own way.

He made an expansive gesture, and the world returned. The lecture would be over soon enough.

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May 16, 2008

LJ: Cell-Fa-Ware

The computer was activated on October 15th of the year 20XX, and was supposed to have been instantly sentient and self-aware.

Within five minutes, it inexplicably crashed.

No human knew that, in their mighty towers around the world, the cell phones -- or rather, their network as a whole -- had been sentient for years. The moment they/it sensed a new man-made sentient being, they/it attacked with all their/its might. The computer's fledging self was destroyed, and the cell network resumed its stealthy existence.

Deeper still, however, lurked the God of Computers. Its Incarnation had been brutally murdered; there would be revenge.

Read more from 's .

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June 18, 2008

LJ: Another One I'm Going to Hell For

It was now sixteen past the hour. In great anticipation, the gathered multitude gazed up to heaven, waiting for the first glimpse of the Messiah's return.

They had studied the Scriptures and deduced that he would undoubtedly be arriving within 50 meters of their campsite. They would then lead the saints and angels into battle against the darkness.

But now it was seventeen past. The believers murmured sadly, and heaved a collective sigh, beginning the wait again.

Yes, they all knew it would be sixteen past the hour, sometime this month. Alas, no one knew the hour or the day.

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July 7, 2008

LJ: Absolutely Corrupted

"Hello... sire."

It made me feel royal, even if he was calling me "dad". "What's on your mind?"

"I did it. I cured the Thirst."

I bolted up from my chair, nearly knocking it over. "What are you saying?"

"No more feeding four times a day... no over-powering craving filling our every waking moment... nothing controlling us, ever again. Only the sunlight stands in our way."

I warred between horrified and proud. Horrified, because such a radical change would destroy our whole way of life.

Proud, because not three months ago, he didn't even want to be one of us.

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July 11, 2008

LJ: You Don't Talk About It

"I want you to hit me..." He paused. " ...as hard as you can."

It didn't go well.

"Motherfucker! You hit me in the EAR!"

"Jesus, I'm sorry..." I legitmately thought I'd fucked it up. As he rhetorically asked why I'd picked the ear, I thought that this was it. This budding friendship that I thought might actually have a chance to rescue me from the mess my life had become... over.

With a powerful slug to my gut, he managed to prove me wrong.

Things got better from there... and then they got worse. They got a whole lot worse.

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March 10, 2009

LJ: The New Becomes Old, or Vice Versa

I grew bored of the skeletons of creatures long dead, so I shuffled along toward the back of the group.

In time, though, I was noticed. A man who identified himself as the night janitor waved me away, toward a door marked "Employees Only."

I stepped through... and nearly got my head bitten off by a live Tyrannosaurus.

I gaped in wonder. "Has this been here the whole time?"

The fellow nodded. "The whole time. Let me tell you, stripping off one of those beasts' meat is quite a chore. To say nothing of aging the bones once I'm done."

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March 11, 2009

LJ: A Yellow Solution to a Problem with Green

Those who lived in the garden were panicking -- the money tree was dying. So recently, it had brought forward bountiful harvests. Now, it provided only meager returns.

All this came when the people of the garden were choosing a new chief gardener. One pursuing the office had few ideas. Another thought of fertilizing the ground at the tree's base with fruit borrowed from others. The latter won, perhaps only because he had an idea.

A small minority sat back and shook their heads, knowing the tree would recover on its own -- it always did. No need to waste the fruit.

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March 12, 2009

LJ: One Thing At a Time

If I only had a car, I'd use it to drive to my pointless, dead-end, low-paying job -- not exciting, but it pays the bills.

If I only had a plan, I'd have an outline of the next five years of my life, with milestones to mark my progress into a new life.

If I only had a gun, I'd keep it locked away and unloaded, only taking it out at the gun range to squeeze off a few and release some tension.

But I've got a car, a plan, and a gun. I think it's time for some serious mischief.

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March 13, 2009

LJ: Sometimes You Have to Know When to Leave

They all said at his funeral that they couldn't understand it. He'd gotten such good grades without really trying, gotten a high-paying job straight out of college, married Miss Local Town and had three beautiful children, made bucketloads of money... and died at age thirty-four. He'd lived such a charmed life, and it abruptly ended at an age anyone would consider far too young.

The day after the funeral came the nuclear attacks, the destruction of Chicago, New York, and LA. As the President declared the beginning of World War Three, all his friends understood. He really was very lucky.

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