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December 6, 2006

12.06.06

On this day in history, the Thirteenth Amendment was ratified in 1865.

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Set something free today.

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Jim: The Horrible Crows

For most of the year, the makeshift stage is merely a hay wagon.

The mayor, decked out in fake whiskers and stovepipe hat, drawls his words to the delight of the audience. “One score and a couple of years ago, we re-united our fine nation. Tonight, we’re honoring one of the recipients of our Congress’ largesse – Mr. Thaddeus Jackson.”

Scattered applause while Mr. Jackson is helped onstage.

“We present this necktie to our guest. Congress may have freed Mr. Jackson’s people from slavery but it is up to us to free his soul.”

The wagon rolls away to raucous cheers.

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Tanya: Untitled

“You’re going to be safe now, little guy,” Daffodil whispered to the rabbit, lifting it from the cage. “No more makeup testing for you.”

She and the others released the rest of them, and ushered them carefully toward the exit. “Be free, little bunnies!” they yelled, flinging open the door and watching the animals hop out into the darkness. When the last one had fled, they locked up, and congratulated each other on a job well done. Twenty-five more animals led to safety.

All but one of the rabbits were roadkill by the time they returned to their van, oblivious.

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David: The Big Day

Standing at the altar, the groom surreptitiously glanced at his watch.

The best man whispered to him, “Now’s your chance, Steve. You can still make a break for it.”

“Knock it off,” Steve hissed in reply.

“I’m serious, dude. She’s crazy. Run while you can.”

“That’s my fiancée you’re talking about.”

The door at the rear of the church opened. A bridesmaid hurried up the aisle, carrying a note. She gave it to Steve. It read:
“I can’t go through with it. You’re not the man for me. I hope you can forgive me someday.”
Steve sighed heavily. “Thank God.”

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Jeff R.:This wouldn't have worked with the thimble.

Caught speeding? And that'll land you in jail? Pretty harsh, if you ask me.

I mean, sure, I was tooling in my car something fierce, hopping from Virginia to Illinois, and would have been in Pennsylvania in no time if not for that cop. I just couldn't stop rolling the old dice, I guess.

The bail they want is ridiculous, too. I could build a house for that. Luckily, my neighbor's here, too. Not in the cell, he's just visiting. He's got something he wants to sell me called a 'get out of jail free card'. Sounds good to me.

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Michele: Nooooooooooooooo!

She stared at him.

This was the only way she knew him, really. Entrapped. She had never let him out, not even once. She could see him through the small window, look at his face and sigh over his fine, perfect features.

Then one day she got the urge to touch him. To hold him, to feel him.

She needed to set him free.

Her hands trembled as she reached for the opening. She felt a weird guilt as she lifted him from the packaging he’d been stuffed behind since 1977.

“Darth Vader,” she whispered. “You are free at last.”

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Stacy: The Ballad of Dirtbag Jimmy

Screams echoed through the Las Vegas night. Just another hooker, having a good time, everyone thought.

No one noticed Dirtbag Jimmy was missing from the poker room. But then no one really ever noticed Dirtbag Jimmy, until he owed them money.

Dirtbag Jimmy just happened to owe Papa Vincetti about 50K. Dirtbag Jimmy wasn’t good at poker.

This is how Dirtbag Jimmy came to be dangling off a 30th floor balcony, secured by Papa Vincetti’s boy Primo, and doing his best hooker-having-a-good-time impression.

Dirtbag Jimmy didn’t have 50K, so Primo set him free. Dirtbag Jimmy wasn’t good at flying either.

Read more from Stacy's .

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Ted: some things need chains...

the jester kept the Thing in a box. the Thing had served the king loyally, but was not now to be trusted inside the palace. but it was a part of him, so he could neither kill it nor allow it to roam. he kept a hard watch on the Thing, never drinking too much, never getting high, distancing himself from all others except the queen. guarding the Thing took over his life while the Thing slavered for a chance to break free.

his friends opened the box, not realizing the danger.

the princess quailed, but the queen saved them.

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