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June 8, 2005

Volume 2, Issue 8

GIS for "oogabooga" gives us this gem for today's theme.

(click for larger)

Don't strain yourself, boys and girls.

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Tanya: Apologies in advance

"Just look at my hair!" she screamed. "And my clothes! How am I going to get my favorite jeans back?!" My roommate was a nice girl, but not very bright. Super naive. I helped her take the gruesome fan off her head, but left her to the rest, too grossed out to be of any use. "Gawd! I've got to take a shower. I'm so disgusted!" She ran into the bathroom, sobbing.

"Becky," I called after her, "I understand you're freaked out. But everyone knows The Joker's a pervert. Why did you go home with him in the first place?"

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Michele: Satan Laughing Spreads His wings

“Birds are evil creatures which carry the soul of the devil on their wings,” Dr. Cortex explained. “The appearance of so many in the Vatican courtyard can only mean the anti-Christ is nigh.”

Father Michael watched with the Pope as the crew performed an eerie ballet, costumes glimmering in the twilight. Sparkles of electricity flew from their fingers, raining embers on the grass. When the first crow fell from the sky with a thud, Father Michael gave a relieved smile to the Pope.

When the pontiff‘s hot, dry fingers closed around Michael's throat, the priest realized they were too late.

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The Eschatologist: First, The Lawyers

"What we've got here is a simple case of copyright infringement," a twisted smile betrayed his satisfaction in finally catching the culprit red handed. He could now sense blood in the water, and put his plan into action.

"My clients and I, named as The Blue Falcon, Hawkman, Nite Owl, et cetera, whom I represent in absentia, declare that you must immediately cease and desist all avian imitation activities, and forever affirm you will no longer pursue this line of gross mockery under penalty of law."

He handed the dancer his business card with a sneer. Harvey Birdman, Attorney-at-Law.

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Ted: Holy Crap

"I'm a vestal virgin, this is my destiny," she thought, her head swimming with fear as the ceremony drew closer.

"But will the holy Earth Bird pick me to be his earthly vessel? To fertilize the entire globe? Am I worthy?"

Her doubt was not justified. Her heart was indeed as pure as her loins. Her spirit was clean. Her soul was suffused with years of prayer, meditation, and the blessings of her special diet. She was ripe to be ridden by the god.

The citizens looked in wonder as the cramps hit her, her screams drowned by their prayers.

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From The Comments: Gahrie

The first clues that not everything was kosher came while she was at JFK.

The reaction she got at the ticket counter fueled her unease.

"oogabooga", she said attempting to be pleasant. The hostile stares she got in return puzzled her.

The airplane ride, if possible, was worse. Why was she the only one in traditional dress?

But it wasn't until the plane landed at the airport in Africa that the full horror of her situation sunk in.

"Oh those bastards", she moaned.

The most elaborate practical joke in the history of the Peace Corps had been a complete success.

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Stacy: Oogabooga This

"Oogabooga," shouted the weirdly dressed native.

Ixi glanced back at the other members of his team.

:What’s all this then?: he tightbeamed Oto, chief science being.

Oto turned one eyestalk towards Ixi.

:Some kind of mating plumage, perhaps?:

Ixi shrugged, pushed past the native. Time was short, retrieval was in less than nine limtecs.

"Dudes, those are some rad costumes," the native slurred, the odor of grain alcohol overwhelming the team's biofilters. The native grabbed for Ixi’s eyestalks as they passed. Then there was a small pile of dust instead of the native.

The team continued on through the crowd.

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