View All IssuesCaitlin Archives
March 5, 2008
Sealyon: Dog Day Afternoon
Is that them?
No. Okay. Better do one more area patrol. The perimeter looks clear, just the usual suspects, all behaving.
Is that them?
No. Area still clear. What's that? Whatever it was, it was tasty. Is that door still shut? Good.
Is that them?
No. Perimeter and area check. All clear. I can catch a little nap.
Is that them?
No. This bone still has some peanut butter in it. Mmmmmmm.
Is that them?
It is! Quick, check perimeter and area! All clear, except for that damn neighbor who always barks. Man the door, now! They're home! It's dinner!
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
March 19, 2008
Sealyon: Love Your Neighbor
I'll have you know that I bought my house in 1948, long before any of you were a stain on your daddy's underwear! You can't threaten me with your Homeowner's Association rules! Telling me what kind of yard I can have, what kind of fence I can have! This is exactly what we fought against in The War. And now I have to listen to you yard Nazi's? Hell no. The fence stays!
Mr. Gashley, your fence isn't the problem. We simply ask that you remove the sharpened points. Two of Mrs. Ellsworth's cats have been impaled. It's unsightly.
Oh.
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
April 11, 2008
Sealyon: At Least It's Friday
I 'm dreaming… my whole family on a boat , about 20 puppies running around. It makes sense, somehow, and I'm looking for a place to lie down that's not wet from seawater and not covered in puppies.
Darkness. A sound pulls at me. One of the puppies…?
I wake up: not puppies. Not a boat. My room, with a full grown dog retching on floor beside the bed. I stumble to the bathroom, get toilet paper, clean up. It looks like sticks and rocks.
I'm almost asleep when I hear the cat retching. Rose stems and petals. Damn animals.
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
May 1, 2008
Sealyon: The Cat Came Back
Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought him back. Anyway, didn't he have eight more lives to burn? Something in that sack smelled good. He crept inside.
He twitched his tail in with the rest of him: instant darkness, and he was hoisted into the air. A swing. A splash.
Shit.
It was early spring, so the water was still cold. It seemed like it took hours to get free of the sack, days to swim ashore, weeks to stumble home. He was ragged and thin when she found him sunning on the porch.
Her scream was heard in five counties.
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
May 5, 2008
Sealyon: The Monday After
As she sticks her gun in her waistband, he grabs her. The doorway was in her blind spot; she never realized he was there. He's slow, but strong.
Fuck.
He's slow enough that she has time to notice him: he seems pretty fresh, and for a moment he actually looks at her. Weird. They don't look at you, they just chew. Arms pinned to her sides; if he'll shift just for a better grip, she could get the gun.
C'mon, you dumb shit, go for my head.
He does, grabs fistfuls of her hair…
What? Did he just say something?
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
May 14, 2008
Sealyon: Workers Unite
Yeah, there were dragons alright.
I didn't agree when the government banned them outright last year. I mean, it's as stupid as banning poppies or hemp: it's just a natural phenomenon. Who's going to enforce the no breeding rule with the dragons? You don't see those suited-up bureaucratic hacks getting in some Great Thorny Blue's face telling her she can't hatch those eggs, do you? They aren't about to get that close to an actual dragon.
That's what illegals like me are for. We'll be ready for the coup soon, with an army and everything. Mounted on dragons, of course.
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
May 29, 2008
Sealyon: Fish Just Want to Have Fun
"Round and round and round. It's enough to make you sick to your stomach. What's with this guy, anyway?"
"He must be sick: we should stay away."
"I think he's just trying to get attention: look how all the girls are watching him! Yeesh."
"It's a comment on the current geo-political situation. I think he knows something."
"Nah, he's off his gourd. Just ignore him, maybe he'll stop."
"I dunno… it kinda makes sense. I'm going to try. Hey, guys: this is great! Dude, you're a genius! Uh, dude? Where are you going?"
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Round and round. What's with that guy?
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
June 3, 2008
Sealyon: Tough Room
Wait. A what slivvix?
Skanturian. So, they walk into a bar, and –
It's not going to work.
Why not?
First of all, Skanturian slivvixes are so rare that it distracts from the joke. Nobody's gonna believe it's a Skanturain slivvix. A Pulesophien slivvix, maybe.
Fine. A dog, a rabbi, and a Pulesophien slivvix walk into a bar…
Second: a slivvix in a bar? You know they won't serve it – think about where its "mouth" is, man!
Jesus, Bob, it's a joke. You know, like, not real?
Yeah, but once it goes for the rabbi, the dog'll have to kill it.
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
June 10, 2008
LJ: No Voice in the Wilderness, Either
He did not come in glory, making believers of the entire world.
He did not lead hordes of the angels and saints into battle with the forces of darkness, to bind them for a thousand years.
He did not set up His judgement court and separate the sheep from the goats. Nor did He lead the faithful to the new heaven and new earth, or cast the rest down into the fiery pit.
He did not reign for a thousand years, and then finally crush the accuser and the other fallen angels forever.
Worst of all, He wasn't a "he".
Permalink • Comments (4) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit
June 26, 2008
Sealyon: A Breakthrough
Discipline is what keeps her from freezing. Long days – weeks, months – of wandering the cities on her own, keeping herself safe, and a lot of killing: it's a discipline no less than that of any martial art practice. No less than the soldiers' training, before they also succumbed to the endless tide of walking dead.
Mah…
My God, he did say something. Although her brain screams that it's not possible, she listens. Stops struggling. He stops pulling.
Mah…
Jesus, his breath is disgusting. Breath? On a zombie?
Ree.
Mah. Ree. What the hell? Oh.
She says it out loud: "Marie."
Permalink • Comments (0) Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit