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March 27, 2008

Thursday

"Earth"? Never heard of it.

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David: Skeptical

“Little blue and green planet? Its surface was mostly water? It’s where cows came from.”

“Okay, now I know you’re making this up. Everyone knows cows are mythical.”

“How can you say that? The evidence…”

“Evidence? It’s going to take more than a few patterns chewed into fields of grain and some unidentifiable mutilated flesh to reach the plateau of ‘evidence.’ Seriously, thousand-pound herbivores with horns? Who are they fighting with their horns? Trees?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they’re defensive.”

“Psh, yeah, right. Cows’re something they made up to scare children. Next you’ll be claiming that humans are real, too.”

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Dave: Mission Statement

"Earth? Never heard of it."

"Queer little world in Sector 47. Dihydrox-carbon biology, main tool users have recently discovered atomic theory and how to send out crude robot probes, though they're socio-politically a mess."

"No wonder I've never heard of it."

"Your race is lucky. They've been polluting certain wave-bands something awful the last twelve rotations, and it's your job to do something about it."

"Any suggestions?"

"Well, either give them a tech boost so that they use the sub-bands, or telepathy, or advance beyond mass broadcast culture. Either that, or extinct them."

"Swell. Anything else?"

"Don't drink the water. You'll explode."

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