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July 26, 2007


A statue has been erected in your honor.

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Michele: Beam Me Up

The statue, once golden, was covered with mud and rocks. It was both muddy effigy and a testament to gullibility.

These towns all end up the same. Desperate people hard up for end times, willing to believe that some stranger with weird, yellow eyes would bring beams from the sky to take them to heaven for the low, low price of $500.00. That they are surprised when I turn out to be a con man just adds to my enjoyment of their disappointment.

I cleaned off the statue, opened the door and set the course for the next small town.

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David: The Spoils

“Is it done?”

“Yes, sir. The modifications have been completed to your specifications. Sir, I am compelled to ask again if you are absolutely certain about this.”

“Hey, I saved this whole freakin’ planet. I drove off the aliens single-handedly. The grateful populace offered me any reward I wanted. Did I take the Mona Lisa?”

“No, sir.”

“Did I have my face carved onto the Sphinx?”

“No, sir.”

“That’s right. I think I showed remarkable restraint, considering.”

It was pandemonium at the gallery when they revealed Rodan’s “The Thinker” re-sculpted with Jimmy the Needle’s face and a 12-inch erect phallus.

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Ted: Once the Statue is Up, Deserve It!

Columbia was pissed.

The broken chains at her feet had been pulsating for years. Now they were grappling at her ankles.

The imprisoned lightning would no longer be held at bay.

Striking with her mighty right hand, she smashed them. Then went looking for those who would dare try to chain her.

She stalked down the seaboard. She found Abe in a city by a river. He stood for her, always a gentleman for a lady, yes. But also to hold to account those who would deny Liberty her place in history.

And Abe knew how to swing an axe.

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