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March 6, 2007

3.06.07

Inspired by a very nice email we received here yesterday:

Write about unsolicited and/or unexpected praise.

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David: The End Of Hostilities

Caped Victory crept into Captain Nazi’s submarine base. During the Allied push toward Berlin, Caped Victory had gotten word that Captain Nazi was preparing a counterstrike to cripple Allied supply lines.

Caped Victory avoided the patrols on his way to the control room. He knocked out the guards and used their key to get inside.

He found himself facing Captain Nazi and four guards pointing rifles at him. A banner saying, “Congratulations!” hung over them.

“Der Fuhrer ist dead,” said Captain Nazi. “No hard feelinks?” He gestured to his men, adding, “Eins… zwei… drei…”

“For he’s a jolly goot fellow….”

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Tanya: Untitled

“You’re so pretty,” she simpered. “So pretty and smart, and I wish I was just like you.”

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. This bizarre woman with grimy hands, Holly Hobby clothes, and an empty wheelbarrow -- she said the same cloying things to me daily, when she passed me on my lunch break.

She tried to touch me, the little sycophant, as she started cooing about my hair. “So pretty, so pretty...” She wandered off, creepily.

I hate people touching me. The next day, I met her in the alley with a crowbar. Wheelbarrow Betsy is no more.

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Jeff R.:The Second Coming

When Jesus came back, the first thing he did was he got himself a great big hybrid van, and he drove it from coast to coast.

After that, the next thing he did was to go on all the talk shows. He gave an updated Sermon on the Mount on Oprah and told off Dr. Phil right to his face. Then he went on Letterman, who asked him "So, what impresses you most about the 21st century?"

"Laser pointers," said the Lord, "I could have really used one of those back in the day. Whoever invented that's an absolute genius."

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Jim: Joys Of Springtime

Spring’s first warm morning called to Johnny so he slipped out the door early. After digging up most of the tulip bulbs in the garden, Johnny finally found the old toy he’d hidden there last fall.

Returning for breakfast, Johnny was halfway across the sparkling kitchen floor before he noticed the mess he was leaving in his wake. He froze - not daring to move – and listened in anticipatory terror to the heavy footsteps coming his way.

“Johnny!” The harsh, clipped name was a reprimand. Then, smiling, “Did you have a good time, puppy?”

And suddenly everything was good again.

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