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March 2, 2007


So I says to the guy...

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David: Big Trouble

So I says to the guy I says, “What are you going to do about it?”

And he looks me square in the eye and he says, “What am I going to do? I’ll tell you what. I’m going to do the only thing a man can do in a situation like this. When the earth quakes, when fire rains down from the skies, when it’s all on the line and I’ve only got one shot, here’s what I’ll do.

“I’ll look the devil himself in eye and I’ll tell him, ‘Give me your best shot. I can take it.’”

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Stacy: You Asked

“And he just looked at me, like I was speaking another language or something.”


“And then he says, ‘What do I look like, honey, Bank of America?’ Can you believe the nerve, talking to me like that?”

“Ma’am, if I could just…”

“I mean, come on, don’t I look respectable? I took a shower, colored my hair, SHAVED MY LEGS!! I even wore panties!”

“Ma’am, please, if you…”

“I mean, I never wear panties. They chafe something awful, you know? And everyone knows, chafing leads to burning, and burning leads to…”


“I’m sorry, officer, what was the question?”

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Ted: Miserable Catch-Penny lives

It wasn't a total loss that she had gotten left behind. Maybe I could actually get some things done without her infernal probabilities mucking things up, or destroying the street where I lived.

So I says to the guy, the Watchman on the corner, to keep an eye out for Penny. He knew exactly who I meant; we go back a long way. He blanched at the mention of her name.

"Listen, Steele, keep me out of that. Duty down here is bad enough."

"Dunn, what if I tell you that you could be a hero? Get a better post?"

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Jeff R.: Evangelism

So I says to the guy "What're you looking at?" and he says "A lost soul," and then he says "You'd better change your ways before the judgement comes," but who the hell is he anyway?

I mean, I know I'm not what you'd call an innocent. Sure, I dug me a few shallow graves, but the guys in 'em ain't none of them deserved to go on living. And it's not like I ever hit a woman what didn't take a swing at me first.

'Lost soul.' Shows what he knows: I didn't even punch him in the face.

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