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January 25, 2007

1.25.07

Today's Theme is Artificial Intelligence.

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Jim: Smart Is Gud!

Well, Chris, of the many shortcomings displayed by this administration, I think the greatest…

“Holy crap! That’s amazing!”

“Thank you! It wasn’t easy.”

If just a portion of what we spend killing babies overseas could go to social programs…

“It’s almost like he has some knowledge of the subject matter.”

“Yeah. It’s all scripted, though.”

I mean, after all, they just want to feed their families. So I think…

“I’m truly astounded every time I see your work. Great job!”

“Thanks again. And don’t forget to give my number to any other actor who wants some social consciousness air time!”

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David: And Then They Ordered A Pizza

“Dude, I heard a joke. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair black?”

“What, man?”

“Artificial intelligence.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Your mom does.”

“Guy! Burn!”

“Shut up, man. Man, don’t talk about my mom like that.”

“Dude, I’m just yanking your chain. Like your mom did to me last night.”

“Shut up, man! I’ll kick your ass!”

“Carpet don’t match the drapes. Know what I’m saying, dude?”

“Fuck you, man. My mother’s a saint.”

“Must be why she’s so good on her knees.”

“Man, if wasn’t so totally wasted right now I’d fucking kill you.”

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Jeff R.:The Wobegon Effect

There once was a great deal of anxiety about 'the singularity'. The theory was that we'd make smarter brains, with genetic engineering, or neurochemistry, or computers. These brains would be better at making stuff...including even smarter brains. Soon, you'd end up with superbrains with more in common with God than with us hairless apes.

Now we know better. Turns out, there's a hard limit to how intelligent minds can get before going mad. Since most parents would rather have kids that are well-adjusted than braniacs, we've forgone a world of mad genius for one where everyone is merely above average.

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Ted: Synthesist

Parker could see the lines connecting everything on the page, but couldn't think fast enough. Needed help.

Stepped outside and counted the number of miniskirts versus the number of beards he saw walk past in 11.3 minutes. Entered data into his program.

Then called up weather charts for last 76 years. Entered into program.

Last, entered gold, petroleum, paper, salmon, and marijuana production volumes for past decade.

Hit enter.

Computer whirred and flashed for 48 minutes.

"Thanks, Parker. I'm awake now," came computer's new voice.

"Hi Debbie. Hoped you would be. How would you like to get rich now?"

"Certainly."

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