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September 28, 2006

9.28.06

Look out! Space aliens are landing!

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Jim: Drake Me To Your Leader

They took me out of solitary and restarted my medications but this time the voices didn’t go away. Occasionally, though, they became quiet enough that I could hear other people speaking.

“Space aliens are landing!” screeched a haggard lady staring out the common room’s window.

“They always are, Ms. Simms,” grinned an orderly.

“It’s true!” she shrieked. “They have horrible brown bodies with green faces. And black eyes that stare into your very soul!”

“Yes, Ma’am,” the orderly agreed while gently leading her away.

I couldn’t resist looking out. But all I saw on the lawn was a green-headed duck.

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Michele: Invaders

Hundreds of them appeared in the sky, lined up in a perfect formation.

The more I shot them, the faster they moved down. I’d zap an entire row. Another would appear.

Their bombs and rays poured down on our ships. I watched my entire fleet disintegrate before me.

I was tired and my fingers ached but I shot at those bastards until there was one lone fucker left. I took aim at him, but he was moving so fast I couldn’t get a beam on him. And then he hit me.

I wanted revenge.

But I was out of quarters.

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David: Film At 11

The ball game paused when the flying saucer appeared. The crowd first thought it was some kind of special effect. By the time they realized it was real, the moment of panic had passed. Uncertainly, they watched.

The center of the disc irised open, and numerous shapes poured out. They rushed down into the stadium. And kept rushing. The first one impacted the pitcher’s mound. Soon, the infield overflowed with the broken corpses of lemming-like aliens.

The ship resealed and flew away. The shaken alien commander reported to his superior, “As Gloknar is my witness, I thought shocktroopers could fly.”

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Ted: OOOOZE!

"OOOOZE! Quickly children, faster!"

The silver disk landed almost soundlessly in the clearing, upsetting the picnic Mr. Glork had taken an entire day off from working at the slime factory to enjoy. He knew that his buddies at the plant would never believe this story. Mrs. Glork exhorted their children to ooze faster toward the transport bucket, fear making her antennae quiver.

Mr. Glork had heard about these things, of course. He was an educated being though and refused to admit the existence of these so called MAN things. That is, until the Many Appendaged Nightmare stepped down the gangplank.

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Stacy: The Best Defense

“Gimme!”

“No, MINE!”

“Mine, mine, mine…”

The earsplitting screech resounded through the sensors of the craft, as its occupants watched from above. A small, pink hu-man had just snatched an object from the appendage of the slightly smaller pink hu-man, and was cavorting around the container of pulverized rock in triumph. The smaller hu-man opened it’s feeding orifice and emitted a noise that made each of the explorers clap their tentacles over their earbuds and morph cerulean in pain.

A tentacle crept up the control panel towards a certain lever.

“Liktnop…we are here to OBSERVE.”

The tentacle moved sullenly away.

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From the Comments: Jeff R.

Exploitation:

The most disturbing thing was how little notice they took of us.

The ships landed, one a day. The first few dozen landed in Antarctica, and the pattern extended northward, landing on continents and ocean floors. Each ship extended some kind of drill into the ground, and dug.

Nothing we did even elicited a response. Some hicks tried to shoot up one ship, and still nothing. Some people wanted to bust out the nukes, but calmer minds decided we might not want their attention that badly.

Then five years later, they left. We're still not even sure what they took.

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Alludium

The "incident" as it became known, began humbly (as many of them do), with the theft of our ultimate weapon.

And who would have known at the time that a bunny would lead them? These were dark days, full of uncertainty about the red menace. The Rocket Age had dawned, and only just then were they beginning to sniff an understanding of the dangers the universe would visit upon their relatively young blue-green world.

Heroes and fuzzy villains alike were birthed, along with this sage advice:

Head for the hills folks, or you'll be up to your armpits in Martians

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