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January 18, 2006

January 18, 2006

Today's theme should include peanut butter, a llama and the police.

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“You’ve been charged with what?”

“Unnatural acts of perversion.” He said. “It was the peanut butter that did the trick. Resurrecting the llama wouldn’t have been possible without it.”

“Really?” I said, “Do continue…”

“It was an idea I had a while ago. All of the DNA samples from every species have been stored up here since before the humans destroyed the earth. They’re obviously here so someone can resurrect the species made extinct by the humans’ stupidity. I figured I’d give it a try. It almost worked, too… until the police arrived.”

THIS was going to be a challenge.

Posted by: Jim S at January 18, 2006 9:25 AM · Permalink

Scripture states that man can find God through nature, without teaching or the written word, without…..scripture.

I’m seeking proof.

A shepherd seemed the ideal example. Cut off from civilization and religious teaching, completely involved in nature.

Armed with peanut-butter and bread as a token of friendship, I find a lonely shepherd resting peacefully. His llama at full alert – watching over the herd.

We begin a conversation but soon find ourselves shouting over the sound of…… A police helicopter?

Evidently, in ‘Canada’, there’s a law forbidding the discussion of religion with a shepherd. A government study is being conducted.

Who knew?

Posted by: kasac at January 18, 2006 12:50 PM · Permalink

Margaret never expected to see a llama at her door. Much less a llama in a policeman’s uniform.

“Sergeant Buttercup, ma’am. We’re investigating a disturbance last night. Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Please, come in.”

The llama clop-clopped into the living room, trailing another officer who was writing on a pad. “Officer O’Kelly takes notes for me. The hooves…”

“Oh, certainly,” Margaret stammered, “I can understand that. Umm, now, what’s this all about?”

“Illegal use of peanut butter.” The sergeant started working his jaws methodically. “You don’t mind if I chew cud, do you? Helps me think.”

Posted by: Sloan at January 18, 2006 12:52 PM · Permalink

"Okay, let's try this:

Another pastoral ugly morning
The llamas belch and fart in the air
He walks gingerly 'tween the llama spoor today,
He doesn't know if he thinks it's fair
The llamas they pout and preen like cheap tarts in a red light street,:
And last time he tried he lost his watch.
And every ruler-wripping from his Mother Superior
Brings an embarassing bulge in the crotch.
In a month-old jar, peanut butter has congealed
And begun to evolve... "

"Jesus, Sting, lay off the llamas already! Let's go back to the version with the Loch Ness Monster, 'kay?"

Posted by: Jeff R. at January 18, 2006 5:02 PM · Permalink