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September 22, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 22

We've all seen them, subdivisions called "Happy Acres", "Sunlight Trail", "Hunters Grove", etc. ad nauseum. But when you actually drive by, you see neither a trail, nor a grove, nor any happy acre hunters.

So, what is your imaginary subdivision called, and exactly how did it get it's name?
ST

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Comments

Sarah's mother put an apple pie in the window sill to cool a few minutes ago. It has already slid off the sill and fallen pie-side down in the grass.

Sarah was out riding her bicycle. She just fell down and scraped most of the skin from both knees.

Over there is Mr. Brown. He's the one with the walker that just came apart. It appears he has a compound fracture. The ambulance is on the way.

Little Timmy is crying. He just found what's left of his dog Lassie in the street.

It's another dismal day in "Unhappy Acres."

Posted by: cranky-d at September 22, 2005 3:36 AM · Permalink

The driving rain turned the streets into slick runways. The brooding trees lurked over the sidewalks like the dementors from the Harry Potter stories. The almost identicle single story houses squatted forbiddingly on their soaked and dripping lawns. Only drab and grey light filtered through the heavy black clouds hovering like gigantic bats over the homes of the citizens. All of the dogs and cats and pets of every kind, had gone missing in the month and almost a half that the everpresent deluge had been pouring on their heads. Unknown to most, the animals were safe with the nut on Jasper street. The one we made fun of. The one with the big boat. Yeah, that Noah, the biggest idiot in Eden Acres.

Posted by: MIKE at September 22, 2005 6:08 AM · Permalink

The great explorer, Jedediah 'Wrong Way' Wannamaker, explored this area in the late 18th century, when it was a vast tract of wilderness. Well, maybe 'explored' is overstating it a bit - he stumbled out of a frontier tavern drunk one night, wandered outside the gates of the fort, and wasn't seen alive again. He wandered the area, completely lost, for two years. Over there is Wannamaker Oak, an ancient oak tree he climbed to get his bearings. Unfortunately, he fell and broke his neck, and is buried at the foot of the tree; hence the development is named Wannamaker Falls.

Posted by: hnumpah at September 22, 2005 9:28 AM · Permalink

It's not as though anyone deliberately named it 'The Inferno'. It's just that, with 'Paradise Heights' along the top of Dante Ridge, naming the houses at the base 'Crescentview' just didn't take. After a few months they didn't bother trying to remove the red spraypaint from the entrance signs.

It's not that bad, really. Plenty criminals live here, but crime itself is low, owing to a 'Don't shit where you eat' policy strictly enforced by Big Nicky and his boys. Property values are low enough that for most people it's a choice between leasing in heaven or owning in hell.

Posted by: Jeff R. at September 22, 2005 10:56 AM · Permalink

Everybody here at Morris Homes Master-Planned Communities knows what happens to the low producers. They get reassigned to the Planning Committee or, as we executives call it, the Useless Bullshit Department.

How tough could the job be? Take an upbeat adjective and add it to a noun descriptive of the particular real estate. The committee votes and - Wham! - we now have a name to put on the Home Owner Association’s stationery.

We never even thought about drug testing those guys, though. That is, until we received our first complaints from people in a neighborhood called Fawn Del Morass.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at September 22, 2005 2:12 PM · Permalink