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September 28, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 28

Your critically-acclaimed first novel has been snapped up by Paramount to be turned into a movie by Joel Schumacher.

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D: Bitter

The blonde sits patiently, waiting for me to finish.

"And another thing, they go and change the title, the title was the best part! Übernatürlich and they turn it into The Cult. They've cast Jim Carrey as the charismatic poikilothermic who founds a secret society of lizard worshippers and they’ve made him the bad guy! The bad guy! He was the anti-hero of the entire story!"

She quickly checks her watch.

"Alright fine. How much for the night?"

She slips a folded scrap of paper my way.

"Are you shitting me?!"

"Hey baby," she whispers, "you’re in show business now."

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Ted: Cutting Room Floor

"Why in the hell did he think he could get away with this?! Who the hell is this Shoemaker guy! The jockey, I thought he was dead!"

"Our legal department explained this to you before you signed the contract. Joel is a very good director."

"Has he ever done this kind of this of picture before?"

"Nobody EVER has. That's why we brought in Joel. He has the creativity..."

"Bullshit. If he's so creative how did 'The Night In Georgia When It Was Hot' with me, ME!, playing the crossdressing pirate get turned into 'Captain Susan and His Drunken Imaginings'?!"

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