« Tanya: Stilts | Main | Michele: The Gods Must Be Crazy »

July 5, 2005

Volume 3, Issue 5

Not so random choice of book quotes today:

I believe that what separates humanity from everything else in this world -- spaghetti, binder paper, deep-sea creatures, edelweiss and Mount McKinley -- is that humanity alone has the capacity at any given moment to commit all possible sins.

First line from Douglas Coupland's Hey Nostradamus! (a marvelous book).

Decipher, interpret, dismantle at will.

Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Comments

Routine day today.

Right after breakfast, I set to work murdering that busload of orphans. You should have seen ’em as the napalm sizzled their skin off.

After I finished taking a crap on the smoldering pile of bodies, it was time for lunch.

Puppies. Blended.

Back to the salt mines. I hit the churches today. I could barely squeeze out enough piss for that last crucifix. Asparagus piss. Tomorrow it’ll be synagogues and mosques.

I’m bored, already thinking about dinner. Fetus pie? Perhaps that prepubescent girl. She’ll taste great after I sodomize her.

Thank Gawd for making me human!

Posted by: Elisson at July 5, 2005 8:25 AM · Permalink

"That's ridiculous," said Renee. "You can't commit every sin in a single moment."

"Why not?"

"Because the set of sins is partitionable across time and decision-space," said Renee. "For example, it is impossible to commit the sin of abortion and the sin of seduction at the same moment on the same person."

"That's why I said 'all possible sins.'"

"Then what are you saying?" asked Cindy. "That a man can commit all the sins he can at any time except for the ones he can't?"

"Yes," said the author.

"Why are we arguing with someone who quotes Nostradamus?" asked Renee.

Posted by: G-Do at July 5, 2005 10:40 AM · Permalink

Protecting the environment was a bitch! Here he was halfway up Mount McKinley, pulling up edelweiss that some hiker had transplanted. It was crowding out the native plants.

He took a break for lunch. He prepared his MRE. It was spaghetti. As he ate, he opened up his notebook, and began to write.
Suddenly there was an earthquake. The ground opened up. When the shaking stopped, he looked into the crevasse. Was that a fossil? He jumped down and looked closer. It was, and it was a fish!

The ground shook again, and it all became one with the earth.

Posted by: Gahrie at July 5, 2005 11:32 AM · Permalink

Ever notice that every box of Girl Scout cookies contains all 7 deadly sins? I bet you can relate...
Gluttony: I will eat this whole box. And that one, too.
Greed: Don't even bother to ask me for one.
Lust: These are sooo good.
Sloth: I probably should wash the dishes, but I just can't get up right now. I have cookies left.
Pride: I just ate 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Sweet!
Anger: That awful feeling when you realize you've run out of cookies.
Envy: The lady next door bought a case. I really want some of hers.

Posted by: shannon at July 5, 2005 11:45 AM · Permalink

“I had to limit the deadly sins to seven. Back in those days, it seems everything was either seven or forty and working up to forty seemed like an awful lot of work. Especially with everything else that was going on.

“I’d do a lot of things differently today. But what’s done is done and I catch most souls with the Big Seven. You know the ones; pride, envy, anger, sloth, greed, gluttony and lust.

“Looking, back, I should have at least added hypocrisy.” Satan grinned; jagged, rending teeth black as obsession and red as fear. “Yeah. That’d be cool.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at July 5, 2005 12:11 PM · Permalink

Yo, Coupland. Why sins? Why not say the difference is that humanity has the capacity to commit all possible virtues? It’s the same skill set, just a different to do list.

What about the capacity to dream of anything at any given moment? You could have credited us with the capacity to create art at any given moment. Hell, you could have said that we have the capacity for altruism at any given moment. But nooooo … you had to fixate on sins.

You’re a “glass half empty” type of guy, I’ll bet. You must be loads of fun at parties.

Posted by: Essay at July 5, 2005 2:35 PM · Permalink

Free will has given humanity, and humanity alone, the capacity to
commit all possible sins.

This doesn't let other things off the hook, though.

Merely replacing spaghetti with linguine in Italian restaurants has
virtually wiped out jaywalking, failure to return library books, and
purple polyester bridesmaid dresses.

The discovery that weakly telepathic cephalopods are the indirect
cause of most workplace sexual harassment, as well as bad pick-up
lines and mullets, has made calamari the feminist appetizer of choice.

It's a mixed blessing, though. Shoplifting down 45% is good,
but I'll miss those delicate mountain flowers, and "The Sound of Music."

Posted by: Randy Shane at July 5, 2005 3:42 PM · Permalink

They used to teach classes in high school on morality and ethics. And everybody learned about right and wrong during Sabbath schools. They were two different things back then. Right. And Wrong. Easy, huh?

That’s all changed. Moral equivalency is today’s coin of the realm. Nothing is wrong, anymore – just misunderstood, a different outlook or culture. We must be more tolerant.

This is what we teach now, when we bother to mention morality at all. We’ve institutionalized the sixties culture of “If it feels good, do it”.

That’s why I’m hiding under this desk while students are shooting other students.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at July 5, 2005 4:08 PM · Permalink

Great-granddaddy growed up in God's palm, always knowin' the rightness and wrongness of things. As a youngin' he delighted in God's gift, havin' a saint's own touch with forest creatures. He was puzzled by people -- how could a body choose the Devil's own path? It bothered him greatly. The years rolled on and it got so's his bother overtook his delight. Everybody's sins done wore him 'til his tears never ceased.

God, lovin' him, took away the hurt. Left him among the creatures he loved.

Look, you can see his profile in the boulder by the stream of his tears.

Posted by: Darleen at July 5, 2005 5:16 PM · Permalink

Sin. Then sin again. It's easy. Often it's fun. And it's pretty much unavoidable. Unless you don't think there's such a thing as sin, in which case, go for it. Or don't.

As far as I know, you have to be human to sin. I don't think rocks or pasta or edelweiss are capable of sin. I could be wrong, though.

As far as what sin is, it's pretty simple. Sins as they are usually presented are actions you take that can damage you. A sin is usually a crime against yourself, even if others are victims or willing participants.

Posted by: david at July 6, 2005 2:31 AM · Permalink