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July 19, 2005

Volume 3, Issue 19

What do you see?

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Tanya: Advice

Ben stared in wonder at Gary's costume for the toga party, as Henry encouraged him. Henry knew everything there was to know about women. After all, he had been the captain of the football team in their hometown of Preacher's Pass. Now at Ole Miss, the other freshmen still followed his advice to the letter.

"I'm tellin' you man, chicks dig smart, sensitive guys who like kids. Guys that're in touch with their inner child."

"Uh-huh," Ben agreed, fascinated.

Gary took another swig from the bottle of Jack. "Winnie-the-Pooh sheets, check. Pocket protector, check. Smurfs necklace, check. Prepare for poontang."

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Michele: The New Franklins Fly Their Kites

Three days after they attacked, we are still without contact from anyone. I expected the National Guard, maybe some special ops. It’s been silence.

Most of our belongings disintegrated. We’ve made do with wearing bedsheets for now, but it’s getting cold; a weird winter has set upon us in August. The sun hasn’t been seen in days.

I hate the silence. Where are my neighbors? Dead, I presume. Why did the creatures spare us, then?

Albert and Danny are acting weird. And the growth that crowned their heads this morning has encroached their backs and arms.

I am so alone.

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Ted: Begin the Loop

Zeus, Posiden, and Apollo stood ready. These three had worked for years preparing, scraping together all the data they could find. Target, the Parthenon of the Golden Age

Greece was just a memory to even the most learned and aged of scholars, since the libraries of the previous era were destroyed as vanities. Only vauge hints about attire and language were available, but this mission was critical to rebuild society.

Zeus turned to his assistants and said "I sure hope we got the timing right," just as they were transported out of the lounge and into the pages of history.

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From the Comments: G-Do

"Jesus, Mom, do we have to go back in there?"

"Honey, I know it's embarrassing, but they're my friends." Demeter took a long drag on her cigarette. "God, Poseidon has gotten fat."

"Was Hermes always gay?"

"He's not gay, baby, he's merry."

"He's wearing those shoes with the little wings on them. How is he not gay?"

Demeter said nothing. It was the same as it had always been: everyone screwing everyone, everyone too stuck in their own rut to give a shit about anyone else. It was pitiful, just pitiful.

High school reunions are hard, even for the gods.

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The Eschatologist: Les!

Monster lizard ravages east coast! Mayors in five New England cities have issued emergency requests for federal disaster relief as a result of a giant lizard that descended on the east coast last night! Officials say that this lizard, the worst since '78, has devastated transportation, disrupted communication, and left many hundreds homeless!

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Stacy: The Past

"Daddy?"

"Yes, son?"

"Are these crazy people?"

"Yes, son, I'm afraid they are."

"Why?"

"Well, because they drank too much crazy juice one night and thought raiding the fabric and craft section of the local Wal-Mart was a good idea. Little did they know that would lead to more drinking of crazy juice, climbing on top of the local Wendy's, and urinating on a motorcycle cop."

"What's uur-i-na..."

"Nevermind, son. What's important is those guys lived through that experience, learned a little something, and promised Mommy they will never do anything like that again."

"Promised Mo….?”

“Go to sleep, son.”

Read more from Stacy's .

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