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July 19, 2005

Volume 3, Issue 19

What do you see?

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"Listen you maggot, we need to have a toga party!", Mike shouted, spraying beer around the room.

"We had one last year assbite. We need to have a luau!", Brian responded.

Things were quickly getting very ugly. Finally a whistle cut through the noise.

"Everybody shut up!", Susan demanded. "God you guys are so stupid sometimes", the Little Sister intoned. "Just do both you idiots."

We all looked at each other, and I asked, "Everyone in favor of doing both say aye."

The ayes rang out. And so, Gamma Delta Iota's first Hawaiian Luau toga party entered the planning stages.

Posted by: Gahrie at July 19, 2005 3:48 AM · Permalink

Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host Huck Foolery.... Applause.....Please give a grand welcome our special guest, Bambi, this lovely lady sitting next to me.... Applause.....Today, Bambi will ask our three contestants, Quarterback, Receiver, and Linebacker, a single question. Based on their answers, Bambi will select one of these lucky guys jo join her on .... yes, a cruise to the Bahamas!... Applause....Bambi, please go ahead with your question....."Thanks, Huck. Hi guys! Oh, I just love football, and ya'll look so cute in those little sheets! OK, here's my question...if I were a football, how far would you kick me?"

Posted by: K. Brown at July 19, 2005 6:37 AM · Permalink

You can save yourself wasted time and unnecessary embarassment if you understand the Toga Code. To illustrate: Sam and Barry both have theirs on their right shoulder, indicating that they're both gay, while Frank's left-shoulder garb marks him as straight, although the looser fold does mean he's open to experimentation.

Frank and Barry are wearing laurels, meaning that they're after casual sex, while Sam's after something more serious. Barry's pooh-themed drape indicates a preference for bears, but don't try to get him drunk: visible keys mean he's a desginated driver. Finally, Sam's wearing yellow, meaning that he's shy, but approachable.

Posted by: Jeff R. at July 19, 2005 9:11 AM · Permalink

"Jesus, Mom, do we have to go back in there?"

"Honey, I know it's embarrassing, but they're my friends." Demeter took a long drag on her cigarette. "God, Poseidon has gotten fat."

"Was Hermes always gay?"

"He's not gay, baby, he's merry."

"He's wearing those shoes with the little wings on them. How is he not gay?"

Demeter said nothing. It was the same as it had always been: everyone screwing everyone, everyone too stuck in their own rut to give a shit about anyone else. It was pitiful, just pitiful.

High school reunions are hard, even for the gods.

Posted by: G-Do at July 19, 2005 9:49 AM · Permalink

It was an uncomfortable wedding but Hawaii had created the No Holds Barred Wedding/Mitzvah Law of 2005. Jerry, the 'little' one was a practitioner of WINC and, therefore, had chosen their outfits based on the level of marital and, of course, 'coital' bounce he felt when running his hands over the fabric. Jim, the 'hairy' one, had managed to convince his parents that he wasn't marrying two other men. He told them he was joining a frat. Jack, the 'studly' one, hadn't really cared about colors or parents so long as there was a tapped keg and plenty of lube.

Posted by: Gabe at July 19, 2005 2:02 PM · Permalink

John looked at the picture again. “That’s amazing,” he said.

Tony nodded. “I told you they looked real, didn’t I? Too bad I didn’t get any pictures taken with the females.”

“Is it true what they say? That they’ll do whatever you want?”

“That isn’t the half of it,” Tony replied, grinning. “They’re programmed with erotic pleasures that I never even dreamed of.”

“What about the other parks?”

“I’m told they’re similar. Just different themes. Here. Read the brochure.”

John glanced at the cover; Delos is the Vacation of the Future, Today. And he began fantasizing about the Wild West.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at July 19, 2005 2:22 PM · Permalink