« From The Comments: JerryD | Main | Stacy: One Little Mistake »

April 23, 2008

Wednesday

You slept with who??

Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Comments

HANGING

While Jason was writing a restaurant review about a restaurant he had never been to for The Sun, he received a call from his girlfriend (unsurprisingly) who was stuck in downtown traffic (probably) and needed to vent about her boss Mary (definitely).

Jason wasn't in a mood for listening and needed to finish his review. He let the call go to Voicemail.

His girlfriend, upset even more now, paused after the tone. He didn't answer three years ago, and Goddamnit, you just don't forget after three years.

She took a deep, controlling breath. She said: Call me back, please.

Posted by: Mike at April 23, 2008 11:14 AM · Permalink

IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK. . .

When I spotted his "God Hates Fags" T-shirt crumpled on the floor beside my suitcase, I knew that, unfortunately, it hadn't been a dream.

Twenty-four hours ago he and his church were protesting my good friend's funeral.

Twelve hours ago we met by chance in the hotel bar.

Nine hours ago my cock was in his mouth.

He stirred beside me in bed and nuzzled closer.

"You got morning wood too, huh?" he said.

"Stop."

"Huh?"

"This is so wrong. I'm on the HRC board for God's sake."

"Chill."

"Does your church know you're gay?"

"Gay? We didn't do anal."

Posted by: Jarrett at April 23, 2008 11:20 AM · Permalink

I'VE SLEPT WITH WORSE

"Why do I smell like what? Like this? Well, therein lies a tale. It was a dark and stormy nig-"

"What? Don't look at me like that! It's cliche, but it's true! The thunderstorm was awful, the moon was *completely* hidden by the clouds, and I needed shelter."

"Honey, I swear, there wasn't anywhere else I could go! I had to spend the night there."

"Yes, that's right, there were three of them. Well, and their babies."

"What? I'm telling you I had no choice. I nee-"

To a slammed door I muttered, "Damn. At least the barn was warm."

Posted by: Entomo at April 23, 2008 11:43 AM · Permalink

“Calm down, mom. Look, I’m only telling you because we’re in love.”
“In LOVE?”
“Can’t you be happy for me?”
“How can I, Persephone? His kind is not our kind! How is he supposed to provide for you when all he does is steal from others?”
“He’s rich as a king and you know it.”
“What are you going to do? Marry him and give birth to half-dead babies? Half-live corpses? What if they take after him? What pre-school is going to accept kids who go around grabbing the souls of other children? And where the hell will you live?”

Posted by: Meowbag at April 23, 2008 4:17 PM · Permalink

YOU SLEPT WITH WHO?? (Goldfarb cont')

Limping down the hallway on his crutches, careful to negotiate each bump in the carpet, Goldfarb approaches the door of Smantha's apartment.

Early in his recuperation she had been a daily visitor.

Later the visits had become shorter and less frequent.

On the day of his discharge she had not even bothered to show up.

He had to take a cab across town.

Opening the door Goldfarb could hear the soft music coming from Smantha's bedroom.

Limping into the bedroom, lit only by candles, Goldfarb's eyes slowly adjust to the flickering light.

Under rumpled sheets two forms wither.

“Smantha!, DAD?”

Posted by: JerryD at April 23, 2008 9:10 PM · Permalink