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March 18, 2008

Tuesday

You've just heard an advertisement.

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Stacy: Profit!

Do you remember all the money you’ve spent in your life on bad clothes, bad food and bad alcohol?

Would you like to have it all back?

Here at Future Fixers, Inc., we can recover all that ill-spent cash, and put it right back in your bank account!

Have the money you need for home repairs, send your kids to college, take that vacation you’ve dreamed about!

Disclaimer: Odds of the above-stated recovery resulting in cessation of client’s existence are approximately 2 to 1 against. Client’s estate required to bequeath half of recovered profits to FF, Inc. All sales final.

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LJ: God promises... we deliver.

Tired of praying every day without results?

Unsure of which is the right religion?

Come to Deitech for our Redi-God program!

No longer will you be praying to a God who may or may not exist; at Deitech, we ensure that not only will your Redi-God exist, but will answer your prayers within 4-6 weeks of initial supplication! And with our Salvation Guarantee™, you will go to Heaven upon death, or your money back -- yes, you can take it with you with Deitech!

Coming soon: Redi-Church, a community of Redi-God followers guaranteed to band together and condemn all other Redi-Churches.

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