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February 4, 2008

Monday

Today's entries should involve at least three mythological beings.

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LJ: And you think YOUR girlfriend's dad is scary...

Diana answered the door wearing a toga, and I couldn't help but love the moonlight on her. "You look great," I said, my toga for the party looking like the bedsheet it was.

"Oh, just something I had lying around. This is my aunt--" She was tending the hearth, and waved from there. "--and my dad."

"Brian," he boomed. As he shook my hand, there was a pop of static. "Be good, honey." He kissed her cheek.

"You know I will," she replied. I led her to the car, suspecting that there was zero chance of getting laid that night.

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Stacy: Downtown Hilton Conference Room, 4:27PM

“Order!” shouted Wodin, glass eye popping out in his excitement. Munin hopped to retrieve it, and he patted the bird affectionately.

“The 94,276th meeting of the International Society of Myths, Legends and Fables will come to order...”

“A stupid name,” snorted the spider.

“That’s only the 94,275th time we’ve heard that,” sighed Artemis.

“Bite me, dog girl,” snarled Loki.

“With pleasure,” she replied, calmly nocking an arrow, her hounds staring fixedly at the pale trickster.

The banging of the gavel went unnoticed in the ensuing conflict.

Wodin watched and felt an epic headache coming on. Another meeting shot to shit.

Read more from Stacy's .

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Ted: Repeating the same thing and expecting different results has a name...

The Morningstar stood at his brother's door.

"Let me in. We have things to discuss."

The Lamb opened the door. "Shhhhh. Dad's asleep."

"And that's the damn problem, ain't it. He has been asleep for a fucking century. Did you see what the fucking ragheads did? They blew up a pair of retarded girls at the market. What the hell kind of father is he to allow that?"

"Brother, you know they have free will."

"Bullshit! Wake Him up. It's time for a change. What they do, He guides or allows, for they do it in one of His names."

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David: A Joke, by Kevin Smith

A man-friendly lesbian, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus walk into a bar. At the corner table, Banky is regaling Holden with his theory that Iron Man is actually some kind of bondage fantasy, and that the whole Marvel Civil War was a metaphor for Captain America coming to grips with his pedophilic homosexuality.

Holden turns and sees the man-friendly lesbian, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus step up to the bar and order daiquiris. Holden points them out to Banky. When Banky turns, Holden smacks him in the back of the head and says, “Thanks a fucking million, asshole.”

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Michele: Sisters

"Dad's gonna be SO pissed off."
"I don't care!" She threw herself on the bed, sobbing. "I don't want to be a Fury anymore!"

"You look ridiculous in that outfit, you know."
"Really, this drama queen thing is getting old. You were born a Fury and you can't change that."

"My life is AWFUL!" She sobbed into her pillow.

"Great, here's dad."

"My gods, why is she dressed like a $2.00 whore?"
"She's....emoting, dad."
"That time of the month again?"

The youngest Fury's eyes blazed with anger.

"Thanks, Dad," she smiled. "You always know how to bring her fury out."

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Dave: Words of Wisdom

Socrates was without a doubt the most philosophically profound of all the ancients of Greece, his thoughts and arguments were by his associates, Xenophon, Plato, Aristotle, Aristophanes, and Shœkes. Shœkes, known as "Sheckie" to his friends, passed down to posterity the midnight teachings of Socrates, which the philosopher passed on to his audiences, standing before them at small theaters whilst they sipped their ouzo and retsina. He appeared there many nights, sometimes all week, telling his subtle mythological parables, the most famous of which always led off his talks: A centaur, a satyr, and a sphinx walk into a bar ... 

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