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July 23, 2007

Monday

In the spirit of the occasion: How would you get into (or stay out of) trouble at Hogwarts?

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"Can you cut them off? They don't look very healthy to me."

"I don't want to do that. We'd have to put it under anesthesia, and it may not wake up."

"Can you just freeze them off then?"

The veterinarian looked at the farmer with a puzzled look on his face. "It's not really a necessary procedure. The animal can live comfortably until slaughter with these on it. It shouldn't affect the bacon."

"You're sure about that? I send some of my pigs off to auction and this could lower the bidding."

"I assure you, hog warts are quite common."

Posted by: Nick at July 23, 2007 12:48 PM · Permalink

“Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity to serve You this day.” Melanie Duncan lifted her perfectly pancake-plastered face skyward and squeezed fat tears from her purple-penciled eyes. Her bosom bobbed with gratitude and pride that so many members of Third Baptist Church supported her conviction.

“Anoint us with fire before we board the bus and travel to the School Board meeting tonight. We battle Satan and all his demons. Save our children, Jesus.”

“Amen” chanted her sheep.

“By Your Deliverance,” she prayed,” we shall remove those evil Harry Potter books from district schools.”

“Amen.”

“Amen and board the bus, ya’ll.”

Posted by: Barb at July 23, 2007 4:58 PM · Permalink