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May 16, 2007

5.16.07

You are trying to find someone to pay you for your unique talents.

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Jim: No Resume Required

The knight rose from his bow, his thick-jawed face all leather and steel. “I am Sir Englehert, Milord,” the knight’s voice boomed. “Slayer of dragons and all things evil.”

Even though the dangling sword seemed well cared for, Edward noticed rusting armor under the tattered tunic. “So why have you come here, Sir…er…Eaglehurt?”

“I seek the honor of ridding your realm of monsters.” Then Englehert leaned forward. “And whatever rewards come from such a service,” he rumbled.

Sweat sprang coldly from Edward’s scalp. “No monsters here, Sir Angleheart,” he chuckled weakly. “But we may have an opening in Accounts Receivable…”

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David: Private Sector

The interviewer asked, “What can you bring to the ConHugeCo family?”

“Well, I’m a decent improvisational tinkerer,” replied the applicant.

“I see. And what does that entail, exactly?”

“I’ll show you. Gimme your cell phone.” He also borrowed the interviewer’s stapler, a ballpoint pen, three rubber bands, and one big binder clip. “Now… I undo this… bend that like so… wrap this around here… and done! One fully functional GPS receiver.”

“My phone already has a GPS receiver.”

“Oh. Well, if you turn that part there to the right, it’ll open your garage door.”

“Thanks for coming in, Mr. MacGyver.”

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Jeff R.: Now on the other hand, in Roman times...

It is very difficult to earn a living as a professional elephant repeller.

First of all, when one attempts to explain ones particular abilities in keeping heavily populated urban areas free from rampaging pachyderms, one is constantly attacked by ignorant philosophers, all attempting to accuse one of being some kind of logical fallacy.

Even if one manages to convince them of the value and need for the service, many suspicious-minded individuals will cry 'blackmail' or 'extortion'.

Which are, ironically, in fact one's best bet. Most major circuses and zoos will pay quite well for one to refrain from stopping by.

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