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January 17, 2007

1.17.07

Today's story should take place at a funeral.

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David: Conclusion

“Good afternoon! Welcome to ‘Cradle To The Grave,’ the race where you want to come in last. I’m Wink Martindale the Third. We’re all excited here at Lawndale Cemetery. After 85 years, we’re down to our last two contestants: Bob Finkelstein, an accountant from Newark, and Henrietta LeBlanc, a homemaker from Sacramento.

“We’ve watched our contestants since the day they were born, battling to lead the longest life. Many have fallen, and we’ve gotten word that one of our remaining athletes has finally passed away.

“I see a hearse…. Someone’s getting out…. It’s Vera Finkelstein! Bob is dead! Henrietta wins!

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Jim: Bequeathed

My rich uncle Mordecai once told me, “There’s two things you just can’t avoid: death and taxes.”

I suppose he might have added garbage trucks to that list if he’d had any idea what would eventually kill him.

So I sit all alone on the front row – the family section – and listen to the eulogies. No other relatives came because they know he’s left all ten million dollars to me.

What they don’t know is that he’s also left me fifteen million in unpaid taxes and penalties.

For himself at least, Mordecai was only partially right. You can’t avoid death.

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Jeff R.:Beneath the Streets of Susa

They passed through a metal door with silver and gold adornments, and were in the hall of kings. The first tomb, Prester John's own, was the grandest. The passage led past a series of tombs growing less involved as he walked, until he reached his Grandfather's tomb and the one reserved for Ivat.
"Is there anything more to say?" asked Jake.
"Not by us." said Aaron. He twisted the urn's bottom, opening a hidden compartment, revealing an envelope. Placing the urn in it's resting place, he opened the letter. "Your uncle left some final words, however." He began to read.

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