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November 29, 2006

11.29.06

Because Jim said it couldn't be done:

All’s fair in love and war. Describe using nuclear weapons for both. (Or either. Extra style points for both.)

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Jim: Tough Love

The vodka cleared away the clouds from the old general’s eyes. “You want to know why I did it?” he asked.

I nodded and refilled his glass.

“She betrayed me,” he began. “Me and all of those who loved her so deeply.”

“She?”

“Mother Russia! She let the West take her from us. She did not even struggle!”

“Why nuke Moscow, General?”

“Don’t you see? I thought the people would rise up and blame America. We would fight the final war and Russia would become great again!”

The firing squad took position. “Do svidaniya, General,” I said. And walked away.

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Stacy: Crazy Love

Her hands shook slightly as she punched in the numbers.

9 for the number of times he cheated on her.

0 for the number of times he apologized.

4 for the number of times she’d been suspended for botched jobs.

1 for the number of times she’d been fired.

0 for the number of times he said “I love you.”

She hit ENABLE and closed the cover of the control box. She threw a dusty tarp over the device and climbed the stairs to the alley.

She checked her watch. Plenty of time to make the 4:05 flight to Bali.

Read more from Stacy's .

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Tanya: Untitled

She’d decided to desert him, calling his beloved country a fascist state that had betrayed her. He’d teach her.

He placed the altered bracelet back into its box and rewrapped it. A suitcase bomb would be overkill. This Cartier box was all he’d need to show his former love a slow and painful death.

Later, distracted from her packing by the delivery, she glared at the jewelry, horrified and offended that her traitorous ex would try to get back into her good graces with expensive trinkets. It took several attempts, but she finally managed to flush it down the toilet.

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David: The Evil Overlord's Guide To Dating

Dark Lord Darkitty Dark of Darkness (Fred to his friends) looked down on planet Earth with disdain from the safety of his secret moon base.

“DeMonica, my love, come join me at the view port.”

“Why must you be so preoccupied with that wretched world?” she asked as she slinked to his side and pressed herself to him. Below, the Eurasian continent stared back at them.

He held up a remote and pushed the red button on it.

Nuclear explosions erupted simultaneously across the globe, spelling out, “DeMonica, Happy Anniversary!” in flames and death.

“Oh, Fred,” she cooed. “For me?”

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From The Comments: Jeff R.

Turns out, Nuclear arms are for hugging.

The cyberbrain inside the mega-tank thrilled to its lover's radar-ping. She, too, was an artificially intelligent killing machine capable of dominating entire
theaters of battle, but was outflanked by multiple infantry divisions and out of all but light ammunition. She could swat the bombers and missiles for now, but nothing more. Luckily, her neutronium alloy armour still held.

His treads, each wider than a city block, moved him slowly forward. Then, finally in range, he launched a spread of missiles, each one MIRV-ing into dozens of
tactical mini-nukes and slaughtering fleshbag soldiers by the thousands. Soon they would be reunited.

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