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November 14, 2006

11.14.06

I was sitting on the toilet when I suddenly realized...

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Jim: No Room To Duck

I said, “Ducks can’t talk.” Just like that. Simple yet profound.

Squatting beside the sink, the green-headed duck spat out a capful of mouthwash. “That’s true, Fred” he said.

“A duck’s brain and larynx are too small,” I continued.

The green-headed duck nodded agreeably and said, “The famous psychiatrist Alfred Adler stated, ‘A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.’”

“Are you implying that I think speechless ducks are dangerous?”

He just looked at me and shrugged.

“I’m out of toilet paper,” I said uneasily.

He waddled out of the bathroom to fetch another roll.

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David: The Thinker

I was sitting on the toilet when I suddenly realized that, if time is relative, and time and space are inextricably intertwined, then space must itself be relative, thus implying that size, dimension, and location are all, in large part, a matter of opinion, which, when combined with the notion from quantum dynamics that no particle exists in any definite point in space-time, but rather as a probability field centered at what are commonly considered to be the coordinates of that object’s location, meant that I should be able to reach the toilet paper in the cabinet without standing up.

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