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October 24, 2006

10.24.06

We were promised our flying cars by the 21st century. What other futuristic inventions should we already have in our homes/cars/lives?

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Jim: A Plummeting Market

The Chairman of the Board fixed Leonard with an icy stare and said, “We need to discuss the jetpack you invented.”

“Personal Levitation and Propulsion Un…”

“Whatever you call the damn thing,” interrupted the Chairman. “We’ve sold fourteen million of them since releasing them this week.”

“That’s good, right?”

“It would have been great except for the three thousand deaths so far.”

“That’s impossible!” Leonard declared. “The jetpack’s perfectly safe. The engines cannot fail and the gyroscopic sensors make it crash proof. We thought of everything!”

“Maybe you should have thought some more about having the straps fasten with Velcro.”

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Tanya: Time Enough for Lunch

She paced the kitchen nervously, wringing her hands, as her husband worked on the odd metal contraption in the den. “Frank, do you remember reading The Veldt in Miss Presley’s English class?”

“Sure, hon,” he replied distractedly, tinkering. “Empathic house, self-cleaning, where you could go to Wonderland or Oz, Sweden or Mars. Great story.” He winked at her. “Our new Chronolux won’t quite take us there.”

Their son Tommy whined and griped on the bottom stair, hurrying Frank belligerently. “Yes, the empathic house, but don’t you remember…”

“That’s it. It’s fixed. Come on, Ruth, Tommy wants to see the dinosaurs.”

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David: Betrayed

“They promised us flying cars,” grumbled the old man to the passenger beside him. “Nuclear powered flying cars that drove themselves. And jet packs. And smart houses that bought groceries for us and turned off the lights. And robot servants to do the heavy lifting or have sex with. They promised all these things, but where are they?

“They lied to us. This isn’t the future. It’s more of the same old crap.”

The old man read the page again, then crumpled it up and threw it on the floor of the bus. “They promised us a cure for cancer.”

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Ted: Liar

The Judge looked at the accused with a withering stare.

"You stand accused of robbery, homicide in the first degree, kidnapping, and rape. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honor."

"Ok. bailiff, please bring it in, please."

The Truth Device, a small non-descript silver box, was rolled out on an A/V cart and placed before the accused.

"Know ye all present, this device will determine the truth, and if guilty, carry out the sentence of death. Proceed please, bailiff."

The golden glow of the truth ray bathed the accused. He cried out, softly, once, then fell. Dead.

"Court is adjourned."

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