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October 24, 2006

10.24.06

We were promised our flying cars by the 21st century. What other futuristic inventions should we already have in our homes/cars/lives?

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"What do you mean you can't give me a new eye?"

"Sir, I am sorry its only a replacement human eye or nothing."

"Why do I want some dead person's eye to replace this useless one in my left socket? I want something better not the same."

"I am sorry Sir but we have concentrated on making transplants bind with head not working on artificial eyes," responded the clearly flustered eye doctor.

And with that my cyberpunk reward for my useless decaying blind left eye went up in smoke. Its either a painful transplant that might not work or nowt.

.

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at October 24, 2006 3:49 AM · Permalink

"What is it?" asked the boy.
"It," the old man explained, "is a robot laborer!"
"It looks like a box," said the boy.
"It's not. It's a robot laborer."
"What does it do?"
"Each day it will lay the foundation for a beautiful structure! Then tear it up and start over the next day."
"Start over?" wondered the boy. "Why doesn't it finish?"
"No, my dear boy. Do you realize how complicated that would be? It's safer to do the same thing every day."

He left the old man to his dream of fruitful stagnation. The boy never came back.

Posted by: Ben Martini at October 24, 2006 10:50 AM · Permalink

THE VIEW FROM UP HERE

Elizabeth leapt from the balcony, her wings extended to full, mirrored glory, and soared above the city. Along the upper edge of her vision, illuminated numbers counted down the seconds until sunrise.

She gained altitude, making sure she was completely clear of the cityscape below.

At the peak of her flight, she thrust out her hands, launching tiny drones from each gloved fingertip. They swiftly disappeared from sight on their pre-programmed flight paths.

Ten seconds left. Now five.

At zero, the drones activated their cameras and Elizabeth watched the sunrise from ten different perspectives, from the edge of the atmosphere.

Posted by: PB McCoy at October 24, 2006 11:12 AM · Permalink

I watched the gravball championships last night instead of sleeping – had to take two Virtuasom to make up for it.

Getting dressed this morning sucked – red cartridge ran out, so my shirt ended up half brown, half green.

Picked up my custom canine from The Gen Garden – Great Dane lapdog who runs on solar power.

Grabbed lunch from a booth that just opened across the street – pretty good dim sung.

Left to pick up my fiancée from the spaceport – she'd been to Deneb for a leadership retreat.

Had to call her – "Sorry, I can't get there – the Prius won't start."

Posted by: Keiran Halcyon at October 24, 2006 12:33 PM · Permalink

My husband Arty was a good provider. We met just before the war, married years later, and all selfishness aside it would have been hard to do better than Arty.

Always the optimist, he bought in on every get rich quick scheme that came his way. He even sent out chain letters for awhile, back when stamps were 3 cents.

Arty was a self professed would be inventor, too. He once spent months working on a reusable match.

I hope whoever thaws Arty out, has a pack of Lucky Strikes and a bic waiting for him. And, a new lung.

Posted by: Kasac at October 24, 2006 12:38 PM · Permalink

Living in International Falls I sometimes I wonder if global warming might be a good thing.

When the government was promising tax credits and big research spending, I bought in on high efficiency housing. I built an earth contact home and installed Jamie Farr’s triple pain windows. I have the ugliest solar panels money could buy lining my entire roof, and the family is freezing. The only way to survive the winter is to fire up the wood-burning furnace.

All our tax money spent on everything from miniature computers to the space station, and here we are, still burning trees!

Posted by: Kasac at October 24, 2006 12:40 PM · Permalink

Ladies, do you leave the salon feeling like a sexy, vibrant woman, but later have mornings of drab locks and frizzed ends? Well fret no more. The Madame Faux Company is proud to present it’s latest invention, Beautician in a Box. Yes, now you can have that beautiful do every day!

Our product comes with four fantastic levels…Flirtatious Straight, Southern Belle, Angry Cutter, and Flamboyant Gay. Simply slide the ruler to the stylist of your choosing and push the button. Instantly a beautician will emerge to take care of all your hair needs.

Phone lines are open, so order now!

Posted by: laieanna at October 24, 2006 1:45 PM · Permalink

Once upon a time, when the last diode was soldered in place, the invention was thought perfect.

Bernard was sick of them, these pathetic individuals claiming that their daddy, babysitter, crossing guard or whoever, touched them in the no-no spot or yelled at them abusively, etc. They would claim that was the reason for their own deviant behaviors.

His patented anti-shame machine was to remove the memories that made individuals feel “less than.” The idea was that they would, in effect, receive a clean slate.

It didn’t work though. Relieved of their burden, they still became evil—this time without excuse.

Posted by: Eric at October 24, 2006 4:55 PM · Permalink