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November 23, 2005

Volume 8, Issue 23

What a strange and wonderous disease you've discovered, tell me about it... without breathing too near me.

[Please note: 100 Words will no longer be posting new themes on the weekends, as most of the contributors are usually unavailable for writing on Saturdays and Sundays]

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The Internet has given you an information disease. There's no two ways about it; you have all the symptoms:

Hampered creativity? Check.

Poor spelling? Check.

Loss of patience? Check.

Inability to see projects through to completion? Check.

Mild retardation? Check.

General desperation over the state of the world? Check.

Irritability? Check.

Impaired sense of humor? Check.

Decline in sexual performance? Double-check.

I'm afraid the condition is terminal - you will die a gibbering old fool, your brain convulsing in its casing as you clack out your final "OMGLOL" before the e-seizures hit and you shit yourself to death.

I'm so sorry.

Posted by: G-Do at November 23, 2005 6:25 AM · Permalink

The press tour of the Center of Disease Control facility was impressive. Then the pretty, young tour guide pointed out a laboratory devoted to the treatment of unusual diseases. A sole white-coated doctor toiled feverishly in the tiny lab.

“That is Dr. Geoffrey Hunter,” she replied to my unspoken question.

“What’s his story?” I asked.

“He names the rarest of rare diseases. He’s the doctor that identified a foot affliction and termed it toe-lio. And of course we all know of chinfluenza.”

“Can I speak with him?”

“He is pretty shy,” she confided. “I’ve heard that he suffers from smallcox.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at November 23, 2005 2:43 PM · Permalink

There was a time when no one would have thought of eternal life as a disease. When we discovered it, it was hailed as the greatest thing since, well, life itself. Through genetic manipulation, lifespans could be increased so people lived practically forever, free from any kind of illness or disease. It was hailed as the greatest scientific breakthrough of all time. We were hailed as gods.

Barely a millineum later, we are reviled. Eternal life, see, is not all it was cracked up to be. But I have discovered a cure, and it comes in a variety of calibers.

Posted by: hnumpah at November 24, 2005 5:27 AM · Permalink

Check before you post!