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October 3, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 3

Welcome home.

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Finally, after 5 years of travel and exploration the mighty ship nudged into the spacedock with a slight bump. He bade farewell to his loyal crew and especially the 5 key members who so often had experienced the Swiftian adventures with him. When all the pomp and circumstance had been exhausted, and the lights on the giant ship were being turned off for a long deserved rest, he reluctantly trudged down the gangway. At least he would be met by the beautiful Loraine who warmed his bed so artfully when he had last been on Earth. But wait! Who is this crone with the thinning grey hair stumbling toward him? And, where the hell did her teeth go? Oh crap! It is Loraine! Why can't I remember before I go he thought. Damned Einstein! Damned relativity! Shoulda stayed with Leela.

Posted by: MIKE at October 3, 2005 6:55 AM · Permalink

On Commenting
Our readers are more than welcome to leave their own contributions in the comments. Some days, we'll pull out the one we like best and add it to the main body, so be sure to include your URL if you have one.

We won't select any comments that are not exactly 100 words, though, so please keep that intrinsic limitation in mind.

Posted by: kasac at October 3, 2005 1:22 PM · Permalink

I really liked the first comment. Too bad the word count was over 100.

Posted by: Eric at October 3, 2005 2:15 PM · Permalink

Once I managed to get away, I swore I’d never go back. I had very few fond memories of that place. Definitely nothing that could ever entice me to return.

They say you can never really leave; that you carry it with you wherever you go. Balderdash! I was gone for good and I left it all behind.

Until I violated my probation.

They threw me a party when I went back in, complete with a giant Welcome Home banner. It was wrapped around Big Pete like a toga. And that was all he wore. I hate this goddamn place.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 3, 2005 2:24 PM · Permalink

The back door squeaks when I open it. Once inside the kitchen, I see the stuff piled on the kitchen table, with enough space cleaned off for a couple of dinner plates.

Like always.

Into the living room. More stuff. The accumulation of years of living, with not much thought given to disposal of things no longer required. I guess none of the things are required, really.

Mom would never have tolerated the mess.

The cat sees me and runs away. Actually, meanders away. She's getting pretty old.

"The sinks are plugged again," says my father.

Big surprise.

I'm home.

Posted by: cranky-d at October 3, 2005 2:47 PM · Permalink

"Why was the door unlocked? That's odd. Ransacked! I feel so violated. They took everything and the place is a mess. Why me? I better call the police. The phone's been ripped out of the wall! Wait a second. My phone jack wasn't there it was over there. My couch isn't green. I'm in the wrong apartment! Oops! How stupid am I? Sucks to be these guys. I'm outta here."

"Hold it right there!"

"What! Oh, no. I didn't rob your house. I just got the wrong apartment. I live next door. Put that thing down, you could hurt somebody."

Posted by: Eric at October 3, 2005 5:34 PM · Permalink

"Thanks for getting me from the airport."
"No prob, what are older brothers for?"

"Goddamn, Steve, it was hell. Yelling, screaming, fighting..."
"Didn't think Mom would like the news."
"Finally, Dad kicked me out. What will I do? I can't go home anymore....."
"Sarah, that's not your home anymore. Home's what you make for yourself. It's me, and..."

We pulled up in front of her dorm. Julie was out the door and
flying down the walk even before I'd turned the engine off.

They hugged, and kissed, and finally Julie just held Sarah.

"Welcome home, Sarah Jean. I missed you."

Posted by: Randy Shane at October 3, 2005 8:15 PM · Permalink