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October 2, 2005

Volume 7. Issue 2

I just got a flurry of class reunion emails, which if they had been paper would have burned from the lasers shooting out of my eyes.

What would you say to the person or persons you most despised in high school?

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Ted: Blow me, a Kiss

For the first time in twenty years, Herman knew exactly where and when his tormentors would be. All he had to do was bribe the chef.

Herman drove to the venue in his Maybach. His years of plotting had paid well and his third novel had shredded the small town's high school society. The movie came out Christmas Eve.

When the lights went out after dinner, only Herman knew why. The speciality cake rolled out with a personalized candle for every member of his class. Herman sent the baker a bonus the next day. The ass and lips were perfect.

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Michele: Back Atcha

I saw her in Wal-Mart. She was pushing two screaming, dirty children in her shopping cart. I stood at the edge of the aisle watching her as she let out a deep sigh, dug into her purse, shook loose tobacco off two lollipops and handed them to the kids. Her eyes went wide when she spotted me; she was remembering the day she saw me working in the local McDonald’s, back when she was gorgeous and rich.

I couldn’t keep myself from saying the same thing to her she said to me then: “So this is what you’re doing now?”

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