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October 27, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 27

Scientists are saying that soon humans can live to be a thousand years old due to advances in medical science. More importantly, that aging could be reversed and people would be young and healthy for that whole time.

What happens then?

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Comments

My eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. The soft glow of the instruments backlit the small room. I looked at the chronometer reading and found, YES, the year now read 2000 years from when I lay down in chemically induced cyro-sleep. As I surveyed my body I noted with satifaction that the anti-aging serum had worked it's magic and I will be able to step out into the sunlight at roughly the same age as when I drifted off to my dreamless blackness so many years ago. I wondered how close or far civilization had evolved. I flipped the switches that changed the air, turned off the machines, and slowly opened the door.
Blinking I stepped out into the brave new world. To my horror, looming like a malevolent sun, directly in front of my hidden vault, my eyes beheld the awful truth of the yellow sphere with the empty eye dots and the rediculous curve of the mouth. And beyond the satanic words that spelled doom to my soul---WAL-MART

Posted by: MIKE at October 27, 2005 9:12 AM · Permalink

The arrival of the Immortals was accepted, unquestioned.

The inbreeding began almost instantly. Every generation lived longer than the previous.

The health care industry collapsed. AARP’s membership dwindled to oblivion.

Cosmetic surgery became a high school elective. Botox producers gained political power.

A large band either side of the equator became uninhabitable. Scientists struggled to control population.

Sex became prohibited. To spawn a new life a life had to be lost, yet murder was still illegal.

My mother spoke of my sister I’d never met, always in the past tense. I died the day my daddy got out of prison.

Posted by: kasac at October 27, 2005 9:35 AM · Permalink

“Life is funny,” I mused, treading gingerly through a minefield of exploding memories. “But nobody seems to be laughing. I wonder why anybody would want to endure life for a thousand years.”

“It’ll never happen, Fred,” the green-headed duck quacked, dismissing the possibility with a flip of his wingtip. “Want to know a secret? We ducks used to know how to live for thousands of years.”

“What happened?”

“Accidents, disease, wars. Fate conspires against the greedy and the vain. It all came to an end with one final catastrophe, though.”

“What was that?”

“You guys invented duck hunting season, Fred.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 27, 2005 2:46 PM · Permalink

I had a whole Methuselah theme worked out. According to the Bible, that old codger lived 969 years. Imagine missing the four digit mark by only 31 years! That would totally suck.

My original story, however, was demeaned and ridiculed into an embarrassing retreat by Mad Fred and the green-headed duck. They seem to have their own stories to tell right now and they "aren't putting up with any guff from a no-account writer like me".

Until they're through, I will try to sneak a regular post or two into the comments once in a while. I have to wait for those rare times when Mad Fred is sedated, though.

Thank you for your patience.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 27, 2005 4:18 PM · Permalink

Am I the only one who can see a good thing here? Why have the others shown the scary instead of potential for glory.

Posted by: Ted at October 27, 2005 5:44 PM · Permalink

Ummm.

I know I'm going out on a limb here but because we are "the others" would probably explain why we write other things than you do. If we were, say, "the Teds" then we would have all shown the potential for glory.

That's just my hypothesis, if course. Feel free to disregard it.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 27, 2005 6:13 PM · Permalink

Well Jim, I sorta meant other than the scary period. No need to get smart assed.

Posted by: Ted at October 27, 2005 6:23 PM · Permalink

"Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug!" The cheers of the crowd were deafening as Mike gulped down the mug of beer as fast as he could. He slammed the empty mug down, wiped the excess beer and foam from his mouth with the back of his hand, listening to more cheers from the crowd. Another mug was thrust into his hands, and the cries of "Chug-a-lug!" started all over again. He tilted his head back and lifted the mug, and continued the rite of passage. He slammed the mug down at the stroke of midnight, now once again legally too young to drink.

Posted by: hnumpah at October 27, 2005 7:06 PM · Permalink

I know, Ted. :) I was just being smar...never mind.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 27, 2005 8:32 PM · Permalink

If you do not die of any illness or by bodily malfunction or - sheer terror! - age, then statistics says you will die because you get shot, stabbed or in a bizarre misadventure in your household that your bereaveds will dissimulate.

If you decide to live in a darkened water tank for safety reasons and you got unlimited time to live, well, then there is a hundred percent chance you will drown.

A world full of old men and women dying barbarous and cruel deaths.

I hate statistics...

Posted by: Zep at October 28, 2005 2:57 AM · Permalink

I based mine on Kim Stanley Robinson's excellent Mars trilogy where immortality is explored within the context of planetary colonisation, and Beneath the Planet of the Apes cause I wanted mutants... I just don't see anything good coming out of extending human lifespans artificially.

Posted by: D at October 28, 2005 2:58 AM · Permalink