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October 11, 2005

Volume 7, Issue 11

Using nothing but dialogue, give us 100 words on the worst first date ever.

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Ding Dong.

“Jess get the door.”

“Mo_om!”

“Je_ess!”

“Jessica listen, I’ve got a date tonight. Don’t make me look stupid, GET THE DOOR.”

“How is me getting the door gonna keep you from looking stupid? “

“Where did my cocktail go?”

“Who cares what some dumb guy thinks anyway?”

“Yea, men, they’re all alike – bunch of assholes.
WHERE’S my vodka?”

“Who is this guy? Have you seen him before?”

“Help me find my drink. And GET THE DOOR!”

“MOM, SHhhhhhhh,
I found your drink, … on the intercom.”

I retreated briskly to my car, muttering - “what a ding dong”.

Posted by: kasac at October 11, 2005 9:13 AM · Permalink

“So’s it was like totally cool of Nan to set me up with you. I like told her I wanted to go out with you cause you look sooooooo much like Tom Cruise ‘cept up close you don’t, but that’s cool cause he’s going out with that bitch Katie. I’ll bet she got preggers on purpose. Anyhows Nan says you’re a Virgo, which goes really good with me cause I’m a Leo, though Virgos go best with Cancers. Or is it Scorpios? Hey, wanna piece of gum? Oooh! I’m gonna get the lobster, like Julia Roberts did in “Pretty Woman!”

Posted by: Amphioxus at October 11, 2005 11:58 AM · Permalink

"Wow! You look great!"

"Thank you. You too. I love that wide collar."

"Oh yeah. I dig the accent. Swedish?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've never done this before. I've dated a few women simultaneously but usually not with..."

"..them knowing about it?"

"Right. Speaking of...where is your, um, friend."

"Inga had to freshen up."

"Yeah well, needless to say your ad got my attention, 2 girls for the price of 1."

"We're liberated we can share."

"If she looks like you..."

"People say I get my looks from her."

"Huh? What's that?"

"Here she is...mom, meet our new boyfriend...where'd he go?"

Posted by: Eric at October 11, 2005 2:40 PM · Permalink

"You want me to do IT on our first date ?"

"I will know's yah likes me !"

"I've never done it before."... "I like you but this isn't what I've dreamed of."

"Me ex-girlfriend done it, ere's a picshure!"

"Her picture?" ... "She must still mean something to you !?"

"Sumthin..Nuttin..Yeah so?" ...Just do it wit me!!"

"Maybe we can go out to dinner first?"

"Nah ain't gots no bucks or a job !"

"Can we take a walk down by the lake ?"

If'n I does yah gonna let me do yah?"

Sure ... GET OUT ... I'm coming ...........................................

"HEY !?!?!!???!?!!??!?"... "ROCKS HURTSSSS"

"Laterrrrrr.....Losah !!!!!...........................

Posted by: Karen at October 11, 2005 3:05 PM · Permalink

"Chomp chomp chomp ... Mmmmmmm ... Man, this is a great restaurant ... Grunt, chew chew chew dribble gulp slurp smack burrrrrrrrrrp ... Gnaw gnaw gnaw slobber nibble drool ... Gulp gulp gulp baaaayelch, hey, waiter, another beer over here ... What's the matter, you not hungry? Slurp smack slobber gobble gobble gobble grunt baaaaaaaaayelch, woof, it sure don't taste the same the second time around, hey, you gonna eat your entre? Smack chomp chomp chomp slurp, hey waiter, burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp, where's that beer I ordered? You're a real classy guy, you know, bringing me to a place like this, chomp chomp smack gurgle drool slobber baaaaaaaaaaayelch ..."

Posted by: hnumpah at October 11, 2005 5:05 PM · Permalink

“Come on. We’re going on a date. Our first date.”

“Actually, I’m not feeling too good right now. I think my lunch disagreed with me.”

“Don’t matter. Come on anyway.”

“Where are we going?”

“To see the movie.”

“I’ve already seen it.”

“Don’t matter. We’re going to see the movie.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“Wait a second. Put on something sexier. Here. Put on these jeans.”

“I don’t want to wear those.”

“Don’t matter. Put them on anyway. And hurry up!”

“Why the big rush?”

“We need time to see the movie. And I’ll still want sex before the guards perform lockdown.”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at October 11, 2005 5:56 PM · Permalink