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September 15, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 15

An advertising executive is asked to pitch a campaign for a new unpalatable breakfast cereal. Write the pitch.

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Comments

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Posted by: MIKE at September 15, 2005 6:47 AM · Permalink

Picture it: Raisin Bran… meets Lucky Charms. A healthy cereal that kids will love!

“But it’s got marshmallows?”

No marshmallows. Instead: tiny, bite-sized, flavor-packed, sun-dried vegetables. Miniature broccoli, miniature cauliflower, miniature beets and tomatoes! We’re talking real vegetables, full of concentrated vegetable flavor, providing 100% of 16 essential vitamins and minerals for your children’s growing bodies. It’s a rainbow of veggie goodness.

“You’re shitting me.”

No sir! Mmmm, sun-dried miniature onions and radishes! Colorful and chock full of anti-oxidants! Chewy mini-vegetables blended with a tasty spoonful of grape-nuts? Kids’ll just eat this stuff up by the box!

“And… you’re fired.”

Posted by: Matt Howell at September 15, 2005 11:30 AM · Permalink

Harrison lifted the spoon to his mouth and started chewing. His face contorted into a mask of disgust.

“Jeezus! What is this shit?”

“Exactly,” replied Johnston.

“We did some research. Turns out most mammals do a lousy job of extracting nutrients from food. Plenty of stuff just – goes to waste, you’ll pardon the expression. We’re simply running it through a second time.

“Plus, the ingredients are practically free. Think of the variable margin – like printing money!”

Harrison considered this briefly, rolling a kernel of corn around on his tongue.

“Add a sugar frosting and put a bear on the box.”

Posted by: Elisson at September 15, 2005 1:32 PM · Permalink

The Bowl was running dry. Irish, as usual, had his stash heisted by a youth gang, and Barney's gang sampled too much of their own. Sugar still had his supply, but that was stretched paper-thin.

The junkies were jonesing, hard. Bird was trying to get into a program, but he'd do anything if someone offered a fix. At least Rabbit was openly whorish.

Perfect time to move in with new product. Which is what the Gang did. Got some big, mean guys as both touts and muscle. "'s big, yeah. Not small, no." Cornered that market right quick.

Oh, yeah.

Posted by: Jeff R. at September 15, 2005 2:04 PM · Permalink