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July 15, 2005

Volume 3, Issue 15

Today's theme courtesy the first thing to turn up on my iTunes today:

Running through the mini-mall in my underwear.

Explain that scenario, kids. Have fun.

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Michele: One Step Closer

I always wondered how thin the line between sanity and insanity is. What causes a brain to suddenly, instantaneously fritz out?

Once I was standing on a mountain overlook. I had the urge to hurl myself down, just because. What if, at that moment, my brain said, ok, I’m going to take a rest and shut off my right/wrong switch? You can’t time this stuff, you know. Just happens.

Which is why I find myself standing in front of Broadway Mall in my “Sunday” undies, waiting for the doors to open.

At least I’m not hurling myself down a cliff.

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Tanya: That's What You Get, episode 2

Bastard jumped me in the alley, and managed to cut my shirt and shorts off, but I racked him before he could get any farther. Then I started running. Past China Garden, past Sears. People were staring out of the windows like it was my fault, of course. Like I run through mini-malls in my underwear all the time, just to piss them off.

But the blonde chick coming out of Sportsmart with a new aluminum baseball bat tossed it to me without hesitation. And now that there's rapist-brain all over the store window, this neighborhood might be safe again.

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Ted: Witness Statement

I'd had hit it off with one of my regulars over the past two weeks so she asks me to go to lunch. We wind up in the food court then yadda-yadda-yadda we wind up back in the cargo dock behind my store and she is all over me.

She tears off my clothes like an animal, I tell ya.

Then I hear the frigging alarm going off, the one up at cash/wrap that the clerk steps on in case of a robbery.

The bitch set me up, her boyfriend robbed me, and I got fired. Goddammit I hate Mondays.

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From the Comments: Dirk

I paused for a moment in front of a Calvin Klein Poster and struck a pose that complimented the model in the image. People stared at me as I held form in naught but my underwear.

I couldn’t help but smile inside as I knew that they were awestruck by my breathtaking appearance. I changed poses once before sprinting off to flaunt myself to the people in front of the next poster.

I am a male model that works for free. At 5’5” tall and 400lbs my physique is very impressive. Why, even the security guards have come to admire…

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