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June 12, 2005

Volume 2, Issue 12

Arrrrgh Mates!

Tell me a tale of

PIRACY.

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Comments

He pushed the button with the prearranged code - two short, one long, two short - and looked up and down the dark alley. Two minutes later the door opened, and a voice croaked, "You got it?" He pulled the volume from beneath his overcoat and held it out.

"You'll have to hurry - it's due for release in just over a month."

"No problem," came the answering croak. "We'll have the first copies off the press in a week. We'll make millions off this."

The dim light caught the cover of the book - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, by JK Rowling.

Posted by: hnumpah at June 12, 2005 8:00 AM · Permalink

He was always nervous beforehand. He glanced at the others milling around him, black vests and masks giving them a robotic appearance.

"Go, go, go", came over the radio. They barged into the house through every door.

A man and woman were quickly thrown from their bed to their bedroom floor and handcuffed. Where were the pirates?

Into the spare room. There. Damn, another six year old. She was caught red-handed, downloading pirated music. They handcuffed her and read her her rights. She would be in jail until her 21 birthday.

Damn you Lars Ulrich, I hope you're happy now.

Posted by: Gahrie at June 12, 2005 8:43 AM · Permalink

They had beaten the security guard outside. At this late hour, they only had to watch out for the patrol droids wandering the halls.

Slowly and methodically, they made their way to the interior of the laboratory. "Almost there," thought Mendelsohn.

One last thick steel door stood between them and their prize. In minutes, the little one, whose name Mendelsohn already forgot, had cracked the numpad.

Inside the vault were jars filled with dirty yellow water. Mendelsohn made out a brain and spinal cord in one of them.

"These will fetch us a pretty penny on the black market, mates."

Posted by: Shawn at June 12, 2005 9:38 AM · Permalink

The prey was an odd frigate, sitting high above the waterline and flying colors Pierre had never seen before. Whatever cargo it carried did not weigh the strange three-master down. But the Captain was determined to board it so they all readied grappling ropes.

“Look alive, lads!” the Captain yelled, pulling hard on the mainsail lanyard. “We’ve nearly caught her.”

Pierre slipped on slick deck and fell next to the Captain’s bare feet. He looked up in time to see the SS Guppy pulling away from them. Then Pierre heard the Captain say, “I’ll get you next time, Cap’n Crunch!”

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 12, 2005 9:55 AM · Permalink

“Sir! We have his location – the transmissions are coming from this building!”

Access granted.

God, how I love those words.

The doors to the SWAT van opened. “Move, move!” shouted one of the officers, as they all jumped out of the van.

Access granted. Ohhhh baby.

The technician and the SWAT commander, pistol drawn, slowly ascended the steps, followed by ten masked agents armed with MP-5s.

Access granted. Better than sex.

The technician halted, and pointed silently at the door: 5C. The commander motioned for two agents to kick in the door.

Access granted - BAM

“Freeze! You're under arrest!”

Posted by: j.d. at June 12, 2005 10:25 AM · Permalink

No cannons thunder, no maidens to plunder
No ships to send down to davey jone’s locker.
The only earrings you see around here are through the eyesbrows and noses of the programmers wearing dockers.
No tops’ls are shivered or broadsides delivered and we don’t rummage through any ship’s hold.

I’ve no eyepatch, no pegleg or parrot, and I am hunted by The FBI and Microsoft not ships of the line, it is true
But give us bit torrent, a broadband connection and I warrant that we can download a free movie or two.
Arrrgh. It’s a pirate’s life for me

Posted by: joe at June 12, 2005 1:54 PM · Permalink

I know it’s wrong but I still buy them. Knock-offs, rip-offs, fakes, forgeries, copies. They look almost the same and they’re so much cheaper! You can’t even tell the difference unless you look really close.

See this fine watch? It’s a Rolax. I got it for twenty-five dollars. My shoes are $35 Georgio Brutenis. This fine suit is pure $60 Armanee. Only my wallet knows that they’re not original brand-name designs.

Look! Here’s a pair of beautiful Tifany earrings I bought for the wife. Only two dollars. You can tell me they’re pirated but that’s just a buck an ear.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 12, 2005 3:20 PM · Permalink

OH Jim..that's along way to go for such a painful pun.

Posted by: Gahrie at June 12, 2005 3:34 PM · Permalink

Feel free to groan. I know I did.

Posted by: Jim Parkinson at June 12, 2005 3:42 PM · Permalink

/big, huge groan

Posted by: michele at June 12, 2005 3:53 PM · Permalink

“Pray for the mercy of the almighty”, my father bellowed as swarthy feet pounded on the deck. My eyes burned from the smoke and the air was filled with the screams of God fearing folk. A hairy rogue rose before me like a demon. My nostrils were assaulted with the stink of urine, rum, and sin as my father stove in the pirate’s skull with a table leg. I stood and ran but my feet slipped in the blood. My father hauled me up by an arm and in one smooth motion, flung me over the side of the ship.

Posted by: carpediem at June 13, 2005 10:44 AM · Permalink