Future Fixers, Inc. Archives

October 19, 2006

Stacy: Hysterical History

He walked down the long drive to their mailbox, whistling. He couldn’t recall when he’d been so happy. His career was hot, and his agent was talking Oscar for his last role. Angie was happy, with her collection of kids. Hell, he loved them, too, even the ones that weren’t his. Yes, life was good.

He opened the mailbox, retrieved the usual junk. A black envelope caught his eye, it’s silver lettering proclaiming it was from Future Fixers, Inc. A sheet of paper inside read:

Save the future… kill your wife.

He shrugged and went off to find the shotgun.

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May 25, 2007

Stacy: Saving Your Future

He gripped the paper tighter as he hurried down the sidewalk. Almost 4PM, only had about eight minutes left.

Where the fuck is that house…

He broke into a trot as his watch started beeping.

Hurry… hope I don’t have a fucking heart attack...

There it is…

He rushed to the front door, banged loudly with his fist. The startled housefrau snatched the door open, prepared for battle.

“See to your child!” he yelled.

She turned, dashed up the stairs, just as the wailing started. He placed the black paper on the entry table.

Future Fixers, Inc. saves another one.

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July 10, 2007

Stacy: We Fix Futures

Their marriage had never been ideal, but she’d always tried so hard. It wasn’t until their second year together that he hit her.

Things only got worse after their son was born. It took all her energy to keep the violence focused on her instead of the boy.

Then one day he came home and didn’t recognize them. They were strangers to him.

She apologized for trespassing and left the house with the boy. Outside, a man stood next to a nondescript sedan with a set of keys. She handed him a thick envelope and drove away with her son.

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March 18, 2008

Stacy: Profit!

Do you remember all the money you’ve spent in your life on bad clothes, bad food and bad alcohol?

Would you like to have it all back?

Here at Future Fixers, Inc., we can recover all that ill-spent cash, and put it right back in your bank account!

Have the money you need for home repairs, send your kids to college, take that vacation you’ve dreamed about!

Disclaimer: Odds of the above-stated recovery resulting in cessation of client’s existence are approximately 2 to 1 against. Client’s estate required to bequeath half of recovered profits to FF, Inc. All sales final.

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