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March 17, 2009


Maybe this will work...

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Stacy: Cutting Ties

I reached under my arm and tripped the override switch – the one the Company didn’t know I had – and shunted the riders into my backup net. The sensory deprivation might kill them but I didn’t care. This was the last straw, the final indignity. I was done.

I instructed the female to leave. She did so without comment, drugged for sure.

I knelt beside the bed, knife still in hand. The Company would have alarmed by now, a retrieval team would be en route. I was a dead Jack unless... I stabbed the knife deep into the wall power port.

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Dave: The Direct Approach Is Usually the Best

“This isn’t working!” I shouted to the others, jumping to the side to dodge the energy blast from the robot’s eye slit, rolling behind burning police car. “It’s got no mind to affect.”

Torchielle threw up a white-hot disk of flame in front of her, barely fending off the next blast. “And the creep’s fire-proof!”

Suddenly, the gleaming robot vanished beneath a Winnebego-sized gray block, spidery lengths of rebar reaching from its jagged edges.

“A really big slab of concrete usually works,” Velvet said, jumping down from the top of the parking structure.

I stared at her.

“What?” she asked.

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LJ: The Mobile Moron (based on a true story)

"To activate your cell phone, please dial pound-seven-nine-two."


"Actually, you need to dial that on your cell phone."

"Now push 1."

"Could not be programmed... okay, #792 one more time."

"Fine, let's try something else. Enter star-pound-twelve-seven-three and press SEND."

"You have bears and ducks on your phone... umm..."


"No ma'am, you have to enter this on your new phone."

"Okay, let's try this. Put the phone back in the box, slap on the mailing label, and send the phone back to us. You are too stupid to have a cell phone."

"Thanks for calling Sunshine Wireless, ma'am."

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Ted: Something to Write Home About

Dear Mom,

Thanks for the sweater, and the .45. They were just what I needed last week when the zombies came and we all had to run and hide in the cabin in the woods for the night. Old Man Jacobs had some dynamite up there that came in real handy, too.

I hate to ask for a favor after that, but can you repair the sweater? Maybe stitch in some Kevlar and some GoreTex? If we have to run like that again, I think the extra warmth would be very helpful.

Be home soonest,


New Orleans

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Jeff R.: Square One

"Maybe a helicopter?" suggested Vic tentatively.

"Maybe forty years ago. These days they watch the airspace like a hawk," said Lise.

It was a tough problem. The police never recovered the Emerald, which meant Tysh either stashed it somewhere or still had it. Besides, she'd worked with Lise often enough that she was practically family. They had to get her out of prison. The judge wouldn't even consider bail, so...

"A tunnel?" asked Li.

"The water table's too high. I checked," said Lise. "I think we're stuck with the original plan."
Vic grinned. He'd always wanted to drive an ambulance.

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