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January 21, 2008

Monday

What was in that drink?

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Jim: After Closing Time

The bartender, a typically jovial man both large and fat, sat on a cold, metal chair and scowled. Sweat dripped from his clenched jowls as he explained to the pair of lantern-jawed detectives, “That drink was one of my specialties; some rum, some white wine, several flavors of Schnapps, and…”

“Hemlock,” interrupted one detective, reading from a single piece of paper.

“And nightshade,” confirmed the other. “Plus arsenic, bleach, antifreeze, turpentine, and belladonna.”

“You forgot the Drano,” whimpered the bartender.

“So the question remains…” the first detective began.

The other detective nodded and finished, “Why is that asshole still alive?”

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Dave: Bottoms up

"Have a drink, Mr. Donne."

Roger smiled.  "No thanks.  I know the trick.  Food and drink in Fairyland makes for a long stay."

Uncle Chu chuckled.  "Don't be silly, my boy.  That's for your European fae.  Sip, sup, and be enslaved forever. Very uncivilized.  I  promise you, my people practice no such tricks."  He nodded to the glass. "Please, drink."

Chrys wouldn't like it if he hacked off her favorite uncle. He nodded and tossed back the glass.

Seconds later, Roger slid off the chair, gasping, limbs leaden.  "My people," Uncle Chu continued, standing over him now, "prefer to poison their enemies outright."

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From the Comments - By LJ

Four in the morning, on the ground, shaking... BLAAAARGH... I vomited blood all over the sidewalk.

The stink of it sickened me, and my skin turned even more deathly pale. I pushed myself onto all fours, just waiting for the next inevitable gastrointestinal upheaval.

BLAAAAAAARGH... this was becoming a vicious circle.

I rose shakily to my feet, wobbled once, twice... and remained upright. Gathering what little dignity I still had, I decided to do three things:

Find someone else entirely to feed me...

Get inside before daylight...

And tonight, find that motherfucker who had shot garlic directly into his veins.

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