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October 29, 2007

Monday

Would you like a cold one?

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Jim: At Francissimo’s Pizzeria Emporium

“Look-a,” the waiter says past a bushy moustache as contrived as his accent. “This is-a the way we serve-a it in Italia.”

“It’s disgusting,” I tell him.

“I can-a tell you’ve-a never been-a to Europe,” he insists. “People don’t-a think this is-a disgusting over in-a Europe.”

“Now see here. Here in America, we just assume that when we order ice cream, that it’ll be frozen. Hence the word: ice.”

He shakes his head. “Okay-a. But that’ll-a cost-a you more.”

“Forget the damn ice cream. Just bring me a beer.”

The waiter sneers. “I suppose-a you want-a the beer cold, too?”

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David: Shopping at Things 'n' Stuff

“No, I would not.”

“How about a hot one, then?”

“Ew, no.”

“We have big ones, if that’s what you’re after.”

“What kind of person do you take me for?”

“And, we also have little ones. Very discreet.”

“You are a disgusting little man.”

“If you’ll step over here, you’ll see we have red ones, blue ones, green ones, and yellow ones. Of course, you can get these in hot or cold, and large or small. We carry a wide variety.”

“Have you any… squishy ones? Yes, with little twisty bits?”

“Madam! I run a respectable establishment. Those cost extra.”

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Michele: Heavenly Moonshine

“Have a cold one.”
“No thanks,” Brian chuckled. “That’s what got me here in the first place.”
“It’s ok, son.”

Brian trusted the old man and sipped the drink.

The second the nectar tipped at his tongue, he felt a great rush inside his body, an emotional pull as if every ounce of remorse, guilt, and regret was fleeing from him. He swallowed the drink, sighing deeply. As he did, a beastly wisp of a demon flew out from his mouth. It hovered a minute beside him then disappeared with a faint pop.

“Peace be with you, son.”
“It is.”

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