« Previous Issue | Main | Next Issue »

August 9, 2007

Thursday

The world needs saving...

• Comments (1)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Michele: Final Words

You spend six months trying to force me into retirement, send me off with a gold watch and a shitty pension, now you're crying for me to come back.

Sorry guys, I ripped that "S" off my chest the day you made those damn teenagers your heros. I warned you. Don't trust the fate of the world to some kids, superpowers or not. But noone listens to an old man. What do I know? I'm just the guy who saved the world from some villains.

Now you want me to finish the job those kids couldn't.

Fuck you. Superman's dead.

(see here)

• Comments (0)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

Jeff R.: A Dirty Job

"When they said 'The world needs saving' they meant 'We'd like you to commit a Crime Against Humanity, after which we'll pretend we've never heard of you.' Not that they were wrong. I wrote the reports on the virus labs.

"Another. He's buying. Anyhow, infiltrating 6776 Dix was trivial. A pulse-bomb took out main and aux power, and shaped charges knocked house-sized holes in the outer walls. Five seconds later me and twenty thousand Churchmen were floating in vacuum, and I was the only one who'd thought to bring a spacesuit.

"How I got home's another story. Another thirsty story."

Read more from JeffR's .

• Comments (2)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit

David: What A Week I'm Having!

Monday, terrorists announced they’d acquired a nuclear stockpile and demanded that everyone convert or die.

Tuesday, the alien ships arrived and started draining our oceans. All attempts to communicate have failed utterly.

Wednesday, the first cases of a drug-resistant, highly contagious superflu were reported.

Thursday, the dead began rising and feasting on the brains of the living.

Friday, NASA announced the discovery of an asteroid the size of Bolivia on a collision course with Earth.

Saturday, a scientist at FermiLab said, “Oop—”

Sunday, Jesus reappeared on Earth, and told us all to go fuck ourselves.

Yeah, we’re boned, pretty much.

• Comments (3)     Bookmark: del.icio.us • Digg • reddit