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May 7, 2007


Something is happening, way. too. fast...

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David: Keeping The News Cycle Rolling

“With the polls closing on the west coast, we are now ready to call this election and declare Bob Johnson the next President of the United States! Jim?”

“Thanks, Tom. Opponents of the Johnson campaign are already calling for the President-Elect’s impeachment for crimes they assume he’ll commit upon taking office. Here’s Susan with more.”

“Tom, Jim, burst polling performed just seconds ago indicates that the new President’s approval ratings will be hurt by this blatantly partisan attack on his character. However, he should come through otherwise unscathed.”

“And now, here’s our first look at the candidates for Campaign 2012.”

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Dave: Speed of Thought

This isn't happening.

I mean, really.  It only happens on TV.  I can't believe I'm out of control, the car's not stopping, the car in front of me is --

You see it in movies, you know?  Or video games.  But not real life.  Not really.  Inertia's a bitch.  Bodies in motion --

If it was on TV, I'd swerve successfully, like a tire commercial.  What would Bo Duke do?

Was I speeding?  Or did I take a half-second too long getting that CD into the player?  Thank God I wasn't on the cell phone -- Sarah would never let me hear the end of it.

Sarah --

This isn't happening.

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Jeff R.: M=m/(sqrt(1-v^2/c^2))

We found an old slot-car race set at a garage sale last week, and, of course, Alva was entralled. Of course, about ten minutes after setting it up and running a few test races with Niki, they both decided that the cars were far too slow, and began tinkering.

They mostly managed to keep the cars on the tracks, but one hypersonic projectile careening through the living room TV is one too many, so we moved them to the basement. Just in time, too, since the very next day the cars had enough relativistic mass to crack the house's foundation.

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